Decorum

Most people don’t think much about decorum, but in the world we live in, it is a lost art. The Cambridge Dictionary defines decorum as controlled, calm, and polite behavior. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we no longer live in a world that is controlled, calm, or polite. There is a modicum of decorum in certain circumstances, but in general, society has degenerated to baseness. Baseness is the state or quality of being dishonorable, cowardly, selfish, or mean-spirited; morally despicable character.

What in the world draws me to this conclusion? Am I being overly critical of society or holding people to a standard I have no business or expectation of having? I suppose so on some level that is true, but it seems to me that society has degenerated so quickly that many don’t even know what it’s like to maintain a social standard or mores. Allow me to illustrate my point from today.

Today is Thursday, and it’s the day my wife and I spend time together. It so happened that we took the kids to school together, and then I had to take her to get a loaner vehicle as her car needed some repairs. In the line for school drop-off, we were sitting behind a truck, and the license plate said something not worth repeating but having a sexual reference. Our elementary-age children are in a Christian school, mind you. Jen had to look up the reference, and it started a conversation between us talking about how people don’t even hide their depravity anymore.

The second instance happened as we were driving to our destination, and a commercial painting van was driving beside us, it had a sticker on the window that said, “For tailgaters: 1. Either go around or 2. Go to Hell.”  It just so happens that we know this company; they painted our home before we moved to New Mexico, and we found out about the company from the church we attended. If I’m a business owner, I don’t want that on my vehicle, period. But if I’m a Christian business owner I couldn’t imagine allowing such a thing, assuming he knew of it.

The third instance involved a woman’s t-shirt where we went for coffee. It said, “F*$&! that Guy.” The woman was standing there talking with some people at a very upscale type of place as if it was no big deal to wear such a shirt. Of course, it’s not the only time I’ve seen these shirts with gross profanity in plain sight for any children that might walk past. I can only assume she is referring to a former president, or perhaps even a current one, but who knows for sure.

I look around, and I try to view things around me through the lens of a Christian Worldview. Since I’m a Christian we have a standard to live by. We don’t get to say whatever comes to our mind or do whatever we want to do. Paul told the Ephesians to let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths… (Eph. 4:29). To say that society has downgraded is an understatement.

As we left there was a vehicle in the parking lot that had a sticker that said, “I Hope Something Good Happens To You Today.” We drove away and said, that’s a message I can endorse and agree.

As a Christian, I have an opportunity to be different. To stand out as a light in a dark place. I’ll tell you, I’m not always so good at it. But I sure want to try to stand out. Not for my own sake, but for the sake of Christ and the gospel. Lord, help us to offer the hope of salvation in a sin-filled world. A world that no politician is going to save, only the work of Christ.

Kevin

Churches That Abuse – Final Thoughts

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In this post I’ll be wrapping up my review of Ronald M. Enroth’s book Churches that Abuse, I have some final thoughts, admonitions and hope for this series.  I hope that someone may recognize the characteristics of an abusive church and know how to stand against them.  It is also an admonition and warning those that continue in and support these churches to stop supporting them and work toward change or leave them.  Since the garden, Satan has been working to disrupt and distract from the simplicity of the gospel message.  Christ has established the church to bring glory and honor to Himself and the adversary is constantly working to distract us from the gospel message.  Let us not forget it is Christ’s church.

Pastoral abuse can be spotted quite easily, at least in its advanced stages.  Abusive religion substitutes human power for true freedom in Christ.  Unquestioning obedience and blind loyalty are its hallmarks.  Leaders who practice spiritual abuse exceed the bounds of legitimate authority and “lord it over the flock,” often intruding into the personal lives of members. God’s will is something that they determine for you rather than something you individually seek to know.  Abusive leaders are self-centered and adversarial rather than reconciling and restorative.[1]

God’s sheep can experience abuse, but they can also be complicit in the act of abuse; Paul warned Timothy these things would happen.  Paul’s warning against “easy believe-ism” in 2 Timothy 4:3-4 applies just as much to conservative churches.

For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.  2 Timothy 4:3-4

Notice, Paul writes about people having teachers “to suit their own passions…” Have you ever known a legalist?  They love legalism.

Have you ever wondered why it’s so difficult to leave an abusive relationship?

Abused individuals sometimes turn away from listening to the truth and they prefer myths. There becomes a level of comfort with the situation.  The Stockholm Syndrome can become a very real thing.  Abusive teachers stay in power because the people either tolerate them or even celebrate them.

What protects sheep from abuse?  Who monitors them?  Biblically, a plurality among leadership is helpful except when they all believe and support the same theories  or have one dominant personality or confrontation and disagreement is not allowed.

Confessions of faith are a safeguard, yet even confessional churches can fall into the trap of authoritarianism.  The 2nd London Baptist Confession of Faith of 1689 offers a remedy:

Chapter 26 – Paragraph 15. In cases of difficulties or differences, either in point of doctrine or administration, wherein either the churches in general are concerned, or any one church, in their peace, union, and edification; or any member or members of any church are injured, in or by any proceedings in censures not agreeable to truth and order: it is according to the mind of Christ, that many churches holding communion together, do, by their messengers, meet to consider, and give their advice in or about that matter in difference, to be reported to all the churches concerned;29 howbeit these messengers assembled, are not intrusted with any church-power properly so called; or with any jurisdiction over the churches themselves, to exercise any censures either over any churches or persons; or to impose their determination on the churches or officers.30
29 Acts 15:2,4,6,22,23,25
30 2 Cor. 1:24; 1 John 4:1[2]

It’s important for local churches to have other local churches that come together and solve problems that have moved beyond the singular local church.  But is it even possible for abusive churches or authoritarian leaders to seek and follow counsel from outside sources? Notice the purpose is not “to impose their determination on the churches or officers” but to counsel with them. Authoritarian, abusive leaders don’t take counsel from others.

Plans are established by counsel; by wise guidance wage war. – Proverbs 20:18

Most of the abusive churches I have studied are independent, autonomous groups.  They are not part of a denomination or network that could provide checks and balances or any kind of accountability.  As we have seen over and over again in these pages, their leaders are accountable to no one and resist any outside scrutiny.[3]

Author, blogger and open-air evangelist Peter Boland made the observation that, “Some of the issues are fairly widespread. It seems to have crept into the Reformed camp due to an overreaction regarding church membership. It’s an overreaction to ‘easy believe-ism’ and the ‘no commitment’ church attendance of the 20th century. So now there is this strong emphasis on the membership submitting to the authorities and powers that be, in order to prove, that we are somehow wiser and holier, and that we have more of a ‘healthy church,’ than those mainstream Evangelical churches of the 20th century.”

Abuse can happen on all levels but as people seek a deeper understanding of Christianity, they seek Bible teaching, they affirm and long for more than a surface level faith, and there can be an overreaction.  Sometimes young or growing Christians can swing the pendulum in the other direction.  The Marrow Controversy of the 18th Century exemplified some of the very same issues as Sinclair Ferguson has so eloquently written about in his book, The Whole Christ.

In the well-known sermon Ten Shekels and a Shirt, Paris Reidhead describes the prophet seeking a place to fit.  He was willing to settle for a paycheck and a garment of clothing.  He wasn’t terribly interested in pursuing the best interest of his congregants and ultimately the Lord.  While he may have thought he was, he had an ulterior motive.

Today’s abusive pastor has an ulterior motive.  His life doesn’t match his words.  As John MacArthur describes, “he’s a moral heretic.”  When power or position has been achieved, it’s difficult to let go.  It’s difficult for an authoritarian man to face the truth that his life doesn’t match his speech.  Is the expectation perfection?  Of course not! But these men are called to a high standard and blatant hypocrisy should never be accepted.

As long as Satan prowls around seeking whom he may devour, there will be abusive churches.

Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish every one with tears.  Acts 20:31

The antithesis of the misuse of power is gentleness, which is best seen and understood within the framework of strength.  Gentle leaders, pastors, or teachers do not force their insights and wisdom on the unlearned, nor flaunt their gifts before those in need.  They are patient.  They take time for those who are slow to understand.  They are compassionate with the weak, and they share with those in need.  Being a gentle pastor, shepherd, leader, or teacher is never a sign of being weak, but of possessing power clothed in compassion.[4]

 

This [gentleness] is in stark contrast to the style of abusive leaders, who, as we have seen, often lack compassion and a gentle spirit.  Power has a way of blinding the conscience so that those who spiritually and psychologically abuse others (like abusive parents) show little sign of remorse and repentance.  They deny any guilt for what they have done to people.  And they project their own weaknesses onto others.[5]

Be ever watchful dear friends, know the signs of an abusive church, know how they operate, and be aware.  The greatest defense against abuse is a knowledge of how abusive churches and leaders operate, and most importantly, having an intimate knowledge of the Scriptures.  May the Lord bless His sheep and keep them by His grace.

 

Kevin

 

[1] Churches That Abuse, 1992 by Ronald M. Enroth – page 217

[2]http://www.reformed.org/documents/index.html?mainframe=http://www.reformed.org/documents/baptist_1689.html

[3] Churches That Abuse, 1992 by Ronald M. Enroth – page 217

[4] Harrold Bussell, Unholy Devotion (Grand Rapids:  Zondervan, 1983), 70

[5] Churches That Abuse, 1992 by Ronald M. Enroth – page 219

It’s all about me!

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I’m a selfish man by nature… I really can’t help, I was born that way.

I was thinking about this recently and discussing how easy it is to live that way with a brother of mine. It comes quite naturally in most situations, but one of the times I notice it most is when I return from business trips.

I’m in an unusual sort of business. Believe it or not someone pays me to provide times for the participants in a running race. This business requires me to be away from home on numerous occasions and sometimes during the peak running season I can be gone for up to a week at some of our very large events.

It’s in these times that I’m particularly prone to myself. It’s almost like a surreal world that I reside when I’m at these events. The bottom line is that I have a certain amount of work that needs to be accomplished and I need to ensure it gets done. I wake up when I need to wake up, do the things that I need to do, feed myself when I’m hungry (in most cases) and don’t have to wait around for a wife and children.

It’s probably similar to a military man on deployment. He’s hanging with the guys and then they head out on their missions. When I come home it’s sometimes difficult to re-adjust. I have to attempt to snap out of “Kevin only” mode and start considering the ones God has placed in my life to nurture. It’s really much more difficult than you think and on more than one occasion (or maybe all of them), my wife has to gently remind me that she desires adult conversation when I return home. And, “oh right, I almost forgot God requires me to lead my family.”

Hebrews 4:12 tells us that God’s word is sharper than any two-edged sword, and it is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart, and this is very sharp indeed for me.

Husbands love your wives…  Ephesians 5:25

Husbands your wife is a weaker vessel… 1 Peter 3:7

Father’s train your children… Ephesians 6:4

It goes on and on for me and I’ve often found myself knowing that I need to put things off to stay ahead of the impending email that will soon invade my inbox. I’m pulled in a lot of directions, because Jen wants me to lead and I just got done leading and I’m a bit worn out.

It would certainly be a lot easier to just hide somewhere, but I can’t wait to get home and I can’t wait to see Jen and the girls, so the war rages inside.   I have responsibilities and I must provide for my family, but I must also lead them and nourish them and train them.

So the battle continues and it will for a lifetime, because one day the kids will be out of the house and then my role will change, but God still doesn’t let me off the hook. Lord willing I’ll still be a husband, and Lord willing I’ll still be a father, and Lord willing I will be a grandfather and have the opportunity to live out a multi-generational vision for my grandchildren.

What a battle…what a life…what an opportunity to deny myself, take up my cross and serve and honor the Lord.   He never promised a life of ease and comfort, actually just the opposite. If the Christian life you live is a little too easy, maybe it’s not true Christianity and maybe a war needs to rage within you?

It’s pretty easy to live life on cruise control. Jesus said those who desire to keep their life will lose it and those who desire to lose their life will find it. I desire to lose my life, but that doesn’t make it easy.

 

Kevin

Sheep

sheep

Then Jesus said to them again, “Most assuredly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. All who ever came before Me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not hear them. I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may it more abundantly. John 10:7-10

What are sheep, and what is the significance of them in the Bible?

Most people will read their Bibles and rarely consider the importance of the reason Jesus uses this metaphor to describe believers. The majority of us live in urban areas and the most we think of sheep is when we see a mattress commercial showing us the imagery of counting sheep. It’s just not something we think much about.

In our modern society being compared to sheep is very insulting, as we think sheep are stupid, they are followers, and are most often led to slaughter. Everyone wants to be a leader; nobody wants to be a follower. We want to be strong-willed, independent and self sufficient. This is the American way. To be otherwise is weak and needy.

On our recent trip to Israel, for the first time in my life, I saw sheep grazing on the hillsides and actual shepherds walking with them. It was quite an incredible scene. The shepherds are a group called Bedouins and they are nomadic Arabs, they live a very simplistic life in the hills surrounding Jerusalem.

Sheep are very needy and this is one of the reasons most people have no interest in being associated with this idea of being one. Sheep would not last long if left to their own devices; they are easy targets for predators having very little natural defenses. This is why sheep flock together, which provides protection. Those that act independently are an easy target for predators.

Sheep need lots of personal attention and care; they often wander off and when left on their own will not live long. A small cut can lead to infection that will quickly kill them, and because they are easily preyed upon sheep naturally hide their weaknesses and illness. Sheep are very susceptible to external parasites, such as bot flies that will lay their larvae into the flesh and it will eventually cause death if left untreated. A shepherd must be diligent to inspect the condition of his flocks.

Despite what most people believe, sheep are not stupid, although they behave “stupidly” and not generally for their own benefit. They have the ability to understand human voices and even know their names. They will follow their shepherd and not another, but instead flee.

“And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. Yet they will by no means follow a stranger, but will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of stranger.” Jesus used this illustration, but they did not understand the things which He spoke to them. John 10:3-6.

How many people really understand this illustration? Isn’t this still true today? Do you really want to think of yourself in this way? This may be a good barometer of your spiritual health. Are you independent of the church and mostly do your own thing, or do you desire to be led as though you realize you need shepherding.

Sheep don’t think about the fact they need a shepherd, it’s just a reality that they do.

But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.” Matthew 9:36-38

Next time we will take a look at the role of the shepherd and Christ being the Chief Shepherd.

 

Kevin