Deception, Abuse & Disqualification

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In concluding a three-part series on exposing the practices of Grace Fellowship Church of Davenport, Iowa, (GFC) we will look at some of the specifics of the practices that occur, and why they are so dangerous.

Search me, O God, and know my heart!

  Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

  and lead me in the way everlasting! – Psalm 139:23-24

February 4th, 2018 was the last service we attended at GFC. This very evening Mike Reid read this verse asking the congregation to examine their own hearts, I jotted down this note not knowing at the time its significance. I wrote in my note, “You prayed this Sunday night. The Lord is being gracious.”

I write this last article, with heaviness in my heart, that these leaders will turn from the practices that have hurt so many people, and the Lord will convict them to “clean up their messes”, and experience the joy and freedom of the Christian life.

I firmly believe the leadership of Grace Fellowship Church is biblically disqualified from Christian ministry, and dangerous to the church of Christ. I will present arguments from Scripture, from example, and personal interactions. These interactions are not only mine but also others. These are not personal attacks. Each of these men played a role in my life at one time, and I have no personal vendetta against them. The truth is I have a particular love for many who are still at GFC. I continue to pray for them. It is the glory of Christ and His church that needs protection from men that distort and twist the gospel to be something other than what Christ has given to the church. It should serve as a warning, not only to these men and those they lead at GFC, but to anyone that would potentially visit GFC. Also, to the universal church that it might be aware of these serious issues. May the Great Shepherd rescue His sheep from GFC and prevent even one more of His own from falling into this cesspool of biblical errors.

Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine, in accordance with the gospel of the glory of the blessed God with which I have been entrusted. – 1 Timothy 1:8-11

I believe Paul’s point is clear. Any slight distortions can and will be damaging. We see the example of teachers without understanding yet they make confident assertions. They use the law, but they do not use it lawfully. They use the law in a way that hurts others. The law is meant to convict and show error, but always in love. Then Paul calls them out, by name.

This charge I entrust to you, Timothy, my child, in accordance with the prophecies previously made about you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, holding faith and a good conscience. By rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith, among whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme. – 1Timothy 1:18-20

Countless people have attempted to expose the grievous errors that occur at Grace Fellowship. Godly men and women, godly pastors, well-known and respected church leaders have attempted to correct the issues. We are left only to do what the Scripture calls us to do; Expose evil. Specifically, I want to put the spotlight on the ungodly and cult-like control the leadership exercises over its members.

 

The Leaders 

 

What is Grace Fellowship of Davenport IA? How did this place become a thing that has been written about previously and now? Who are its leaders? Grace Fellowship Church, originally called Legacy Church, sprang out of a church plant in Davenport from Christ United Methodist Church. The intent was to have an inner-city ministry that served those in need. From the start, there were problems, and it never got off the ground in the right way. The original church plant included my family and several others. Of the original launch team, only two families remain.

The original failure launched a pastoral search that eventually landed Mike Reid as the pastor, despite Reid’s lack of formal training in pastoral ministry, or a thorough examination process, he took the reins. Reid is still the pastor at GFC and the main subject of this article. He began his ministry by transforming a church that was hurting into what he believed a church should be. My wife and I had originally been very convicted and challenged by Reid’s preaching, and in the summer of 2009, while going through a bible study, came to repentance and faith in Christ. We were “all in” at the time and appreciated Mike’s teaching and preaching. It was like nothing we had ever been exposed to before. He preached from the Bible, verse by verse and we were learning and growing.

Nevertheless, many people were leaving. His “style” was not for them. He could be aggressive and abrasive; he could also be kind, which will be addressed later as one of the techniques of something called “gaslighting” which is a form of emotional manipulation. In addition to Reid’s behavior, some left GFC because he began to teach the doctrines of grace. This highlights the sovereignty of God and is difficult for some to swallow. While some were leaving, others that Mike knew from his previous church came and joined. One of those men, Nick Rolland, soon became one of the elders in the church. Rolland was virtually unknown to the church nor came with any formal training, and none of the current eldership or former had any experience or training in church ministry, which I will discuss more later. He, along with Cal Bolkema, and Mike Reid made up the eldership in the earlier years. Cal Bolkema was removed as an elder over some personal indiscretions. These were mostly hypocritical, as opposed to moral failures, but he was removed rightly as he was clearly no longer biblically qualified. Eventually, Tyler Bolkema, Cal’s son, became an elder at GFC. Cal is currently in leadership as a deacon.

One other significant player in the organization is evangelist Tony Miano. Tony is not in leadership, to the best of my knowledge. However, Tony’s role in the church is important for numerous reasons. Why was it important to get Tony here? I will attempt to cite several reasons later, but for now it was important because it provided Mike with some credibility in his ministry. Tony had influence and sway in the open-air crowd and the larger, Reformed camp. He had spoken at conferences that had speakers like Paul Washer and James White. He had been arrested twice in the UK for preaching in public. That he would move from Grace Community Church in Los Angeles to little GFC in Iowa was significant and signaled that Reid should be taken seriously as a pastor and preacher.

Tony was recruited by Mike and Nick while they were at the Shepherd’s Conference in 2015. I was serving as a deacon at the time and was a part of the recruitment process on some level. I would say Mike Reid played the most significant role in bringing Tony to Davenport. Some have argued that Mike steals credibility. He is not a seminary-trained pastor, and he never sat under proper teaching for an extended period that he might be tested. Some of his methods are evidence of these very things.

He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. – 1 Timothy 3:6

This may be a significant factor in the issues at hand.

While there are many godly men leading churches that do not have seminary degrees or seminary training, men that have oversight stand a better chance of not becoming puffed up with conceit, the importance of the two-fold call, internal and external, and the cultivation helps protect the church from unqualified men. I contend that this has been the case with Mike. He has a powerful personality, almost overwhelming at times. Given some power over people, nobody to answer to except himself, and you have a recipe for a cult driven by loyalty to its leader. Mike will claim the Scripture is his authority. He will also claim the other elders keep him accountable. No one should be fooled. Mike Reid runs GFC. Nothing is done without his approval. Any contrary thoughts or expressions are condemned and quashed.

A plurality of eldership is biblical, and I believe the best way to protect a local church. Additionally, having the support and oversight of an organization, or at the least other pastors that can provide counsel and truly speak into a man’s life, is a necessity. See the 2nd London Baptist Confession of Faith – Chapter 26. There is great danger of falling into this trap and the condemnation of the devil, but this is not the case with GFC, they are a completely independent church, without oversight, and no fellowship or accountability to any other local churches.

Grace Fellowship claims to be a Confessional church, formerly citing a combination of the Westminster Confession and the 2nd London Baptist Confession of Faith. They have abandoned their combination of those two venerable documents and adopted the 2nd London Baptist Confession of Faith. While I’m not sure when the change occurred, I do find it interesting they believed they could write a “better” confession by combining the two. I think it speaks to the inflated view of their abilities.

Writing in his book, The Creedal Imperative Carl Truman said: “On the whole, those who reinvent the wheel invest a lot of time either to come up with something that looks identical to the old design or something that is actually inferior to it.”

The leadership of Grace Fellowship of Davenport, IA are products of Mike Reid’s teaching and influence, there are no two-ways about it, he has been and continues to be the primary influence over the men he has picked to serve alongside him.

A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the disciple to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master. – Matthew 10:24

Christ has told us we will emulate our teachers and ultimately Christ is the one we should be looking at for our final authority. However, the leadership at GFC very much resembles Mike Reid. They use the same techniques, they say the same things, and they have the same tendencies. While a plurality of elders exists in theory, it does not exist in practice. I believe the ultimate, determining factor in any disagreement at GFC is not Scripture, but whatever Mike Reid wants.

 

The Play 

 

In his book Churches That Abuse, Ronald M. Enroth notes that this pattern tends to happen over time in “churches” with abusive and authoritarian tendencies, and this is the bottom-line on Grace Fellowship. The central theme is the control-oriented leader. Mike Reid desires to know everything he can about everyone in his congregation. This creates a situation where everyone depends on him for “counsel” and advice.

Detractors of GFC have predicted that this type of control, along with Mike’s insistence on meeting with everyone, including women, would eventually lead to the usurping of a man’s authority in his own home. As former members of GFC, we watched this play itself out right before our eyes. It really begs the question, how many years must a pastor continue to “shepherd” a man’s wife on a weekly basis and not expect it to interfere with the authority structure of the home? How can a man possibly maintain credibility with his wife, when the pastor has this much influence? While the marriage bed may not be defiled physically, it certainly is defiled mentally and spiritually.

Mike has consistently been warned and criticized of this in the past but continues to exercise this kind of authority in the marriages of those at GFC. He believes this is part of shepherding the flock. He also meets with women of the church alone, with no accountability to anyone but God. He cites sources to validate this “ministry,” yet he denies any need to listen to any other counsel.

The following illustrations show the dangers and failures of this approach to ministry.

My wife and I were requested to meet with the elders for “marriage counseling”. While our marriage was in no way perfect, it was stable, and we had not requested counseling. In one particular meeting, Mike Reid continued to press my wife, over a past situation that finally left her in tears and repeatedly asking to leave, because she needed to pick up our daughter. She desired to be respectful, but Mike was having none of it, it seemed he desired to pick a fight, and after Jen had left, and I had more conversation with the elders, Mike stated, “I’m doing your job”. This really was the beginning of the end as I look back in disgust at the way my wife was treated, the cowardly way I failed to protect her, and the unbelievable control he has over people that place their trust in him. This is control-oriented, abusive leadership at its “finest” and it needs to be exposed, because this is sheep-beating, not loving shepherding. It also shows his desire to “do the job” of those husbands that can’t, won’t or aren’t progressing fast enough for him, and the goal is for the husband to have complete dominance over the wife. She should never question anything her husband says or does, nor should she ever ask questions of the eldership, after all they have been ordained by God, a phrase they were fond of using.

Another grievous example occurred on a car ride home from the abortion ministry in Iowa City; my wife was riding with Mike and Tony. My wife had recently experienced two miscarriages and perhaps too much time had gone by with her not being pregnant, so Mike asked my wife if “her parts were still working?”

On the face of it, this is immature and insensitive—at best. Why would any adult, let alone a pastor, ask such a rude and intrusive question? I believe there is a two-fold explanation. First, Mike does not hesitate to ask anyone almost anything, and often in a “caveman” sort of way. There appears to be little or no filter between the brain and the mouth. Second, and much more importantly, this is designed to show Tony the type of “relationship” or control Mike has with his people. It made Tony uncomfortable, in his own words, “I’m driving as fast as I can Jen…” Tony knew this was out of line, and this also has the future benefit of dropping Tony’s guard toward future boundary violations by Mike.

and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. – Titus 2:8

Mike has consistently used unsound speech, as evidenced here in this one example, but there are others, and the egregious nature of such a question to another man’s wife, in the presence of a virtual stranger (as Tony was at the time) is really inexcusable, and not above reproach, not dignified, not the behavior of a man of God, much less the pastor of a church.

Mike consistently digs into the intimate relationship between husbands and wives. He would tell of his relationship with his wife, in completely inappropriate ways, to help soften the blow for a wife to share details of her marriage bed. How often did she and her husband have relations? What types of techniques do they use? Again, there are no boundaries permitted—no information is off-limits to “Pastor Mike.” In his mind, this is a shepherding issue. However, the reality is that there is a trail of those damaged by these intrusive methods, having memories etched into their minds which they will never be able to remove. For Mike sex is a big part of marriage, “all things are spiritual” but if a couple is not seeking this counsel why must it be a part of the normal practices of the church? Is it truly a shepherding issue? A Christian minister should never overstep his authority in the home of congregants, and bring shame to the pastoral office in this manner.

 

Gaslighting

 

Gaslighting is a psychological technique used to manipulate and confuse people. It causes them to question reality and to lower their defenses. The techniques vary, but the goal is control over people. This article provides a good overview of the techniques used and, when used consistently and properly, can gain control over whole societies. This sort of psychological warfare is heinous and dangerous. Victims learn not to trust themselves, but to lean on the person employing the techniques. That is the point: breaking down a person’s independence, causing them to lean on the manipulator. I believe Mike Reid has continued using gaslighting as a means of controlling those at GFC.

The ultimate danger in gaslighting is that it causes people to question their sanity. In my personal experience with Mike’s techniques, I saw him use this on my wife and even on me. While I did not understand it at the time, I can see how I was manipulated into believing the leadership over my wife. They claim to put a high emphasis on marriage but they have actually done a great deal to tear down marriages. There are many broken relationships and shipwrecked marriages in GFC’s history that show how Mike’s desires to “shepherd” the flock did significant damage.

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. – Matthew 19:6

Other daily workings in church life previously included that girls in sports or attending college was highly discouraged. Most all sports were considered potentially idolatrous. Sports and girls getting a college education were the subjects of many teachings, and not only casually, or suggestively but quite aggressively. After all, why would you have girls participate in anything other than preparing to be godly wives and mothers?

A couple of things changed through the years regarding this teaching. The arrival of Tony Miano was significant because Tony’s daughter began attending the University of Iowa, and around that time, one of Cal Bolkema’s daughters decided to pursue a degree in nurse-midwifery. Nothing was ever said to the congregation; it just became something that was accepted. While this would seem the normal course of life to many Christians, it was nearly iconoclastic at GFC. It was shocking when it happened, yet nobody dared asked any questions.

As reported by a former member, Mike asked Tony Miano and Cal Bolkema in a gathering time if “(we have) ever taught against girls going to college?” Tony boldly declared, “no, pastor” as did Cal. This congregant was considerably upset over this hypocrisy, as she had lost a friend over this doctrine a few years earlier.

Here is a link to the teaching that Mike Reid, Nick Rolland & Cal Bolkema, himself, as the moderator of the conference, were quite aware they had taught against girls going to college.

From about 38 minutes and to 44 minutes will give a good overview of the clear position these men held regarding college education. I’ve quoted a few things stated below and the timestamps.

37:54 – Mike Reid: “But what did you learn in college that about being a wife and a mother and being a homemaker and being chaste and discreet and reverent… you learned the opposite at most every college you would go to not to mention you are outside of the protection of your father, again what did you learn and what is it that you are saying it is helping you to be a wife and a mother and help teach my kids?”

38:45 – Mike Reid: Speaking about his son Jack. It sounds good here, but Jack received very little education. “I’ve taken that on because he’s a man, or he’s becoming a man, so I’m educating him…”

The main idea is that teaching children the Bible and about God is the only thing that truly has eternal value. While on the surface this sounds like it might be a legitimate concept, the Bible teaches and encourages it is good and godly to work, to be able to provide for a family. Working toward a college degree is not necessarily sinful but can be a way to provide for a family.

What are the ramifications of such teaching? Observation and testimony from others that have family at this place are that many of the children will receive nominal if not marginal education. They encourage large families, which is not a bad thing, but many are unequipped, and unprepared to school this many children, so what happens is that education falls by the wayside. The church would never encourage you to send them out to school, and most people cannot afford private education, so you are stuck with getting by. Getting by is not enough to prepare these children. They talk a big game, like Mike said in his quote, that he is now educating Jack, but the reality is that probably doesn’t happen.

A question came in about girl’s attending a local college, but still living at home.

40:40 – Mike Reid: “Possibly, what are they going to learn there that you can’t teach them?”

41:36 Nick Rolland: “I think a strong desire to learn is a great thing, and there are these things called books that fit into most people’s homes and there’s lots of them and they can be read by almost anyone, anywhere at any time…”

Will an article exposing some of the hypocrisy, and heterodox teaching be effective? Only the Lord knows, and I will trust Him to have those that need to read this, read it.

I pray this will assist unsuspecting church goers with critical information before making a decision to attend GFC.

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. – Proverbs 11:14

The former members and attendees of Grace Fellowship have voices that others will want to hear, I’ve posted them here. I know they struggled through leaving, just as we did. They were hurt, they were abused, and they needed to say what could not be said. Thankfully, they have been given an opportunity to say what needs to be said. So that all that read these articles have an opportunity to hear from them. I’ve talked to so many of them, and in many instances they thought nobody cared. Grace Fellowship is not all that unusual as I said in the first article, and so there are other places like this. I have seen the playbook written about time and time again as I began to spend countless hours researching these types of places.

Will those that still remain examine these claims and examine the teaching carefully and prayerfully desiring to know the truth? Seek the Lord, He will provide the answers.

There is so much more that I could say, and so many more stories that could be recounted, but this question needs to be answered;

Why would legitimate men of God desire to distort the Bible’s teaching?

Many would like to know.

 

Kevin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Churches That Abuse – Final Thoughts

Jesus_Saves_Neon_Cross_Sign_Church_2011_Shankbone

In this post I’ll be wrapping up my review of Ronald M. Enroth’s book Churches that Abuse, I have some final thoughts, admonitions and hope for this series.  I hope that someone may recognize the characteristics of an abusive church and know how to stand against them.  It is also an admonition and warning those that continue in and support these churches to stop supporting them and work toward change or leave them.  Since the garden, Satan has been working to disrupt and distract from the simplicity of the gospel message.  Christ has established the church to bring glory and honor to Himself and the adversary is constantly working to distract us from the gospel message.  Let us not forget it is Christ’s church.

Pastoral abuse can be spotted quite easily, at least in its advanced stages.  Abusive religion substitutes human power for true freedom in Christ.  Unquestioning obedience and blind loyalty are its hallmarks.  Leaders who practice spiritual abuse exceed the bounds of legitimate authority and “lord it over the flock,” often intruding into the personal lives of members. God’s will is something that they determine for you rather than something you individually seek to know.  Abusive leaders are self-centered and adversarial rather than reconciling and restorative.[1]

God’s sheep can experience abuse, but they can also be complicit in the act of abuse; Paul warned Timothy these things would happen.  Paul’s warning against “easy believe-ism” in 2 Timothy 4:3-4 applies just as much to conservative churches.

For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.  2 Timothy 4:3-4

Notice, Paul writes about people having teachers “to suit their own passions…” Have you ever known a legalist?  They love legalism.

Have you ever wondered why it’s so difficult to leave an abusive relationship?

Abused individuals sometimes turn away from listening to the truth and they prefer myths. There becomes a level of comfort with the situation.  The Stockholm Syndrome can become a very real thing.  Abusive teachers stay in power because the people either tolerate them or even celebrate them.

What protects sheep from abuse?  Who monitors them?  Biblically, a plurality among leadership is helpful except when they all believe and support the same theories  or have one dominant personality or confrontation and disagreement is not allowed.

Confessions of faith are a safeguard, yet even confessional churches can fall into the trap of authoritarianism.  The 2nd London Baptist Confession of Faith of 1689 offers a remedy:

Chapter 26 – Paragraph 15. In cases of difficulties or differences, either in point of doctrine or administration, wherein either the churches in general are concerned, or any one church, in their peace, union, and edification; or any member or members of any church are injured, in or by any proceedings in censures not agreeable to truth and order: it is according to the mind of Christ, that many churches holding communion together, do, by their messengers, meet to consider, and give their advice in or about that matter in difference, to be reported to all the churches concerned;29 howbeit these messengers assembled, are not intrusted with any church-power properly so called; or with any jurisdiction over the churches themselves, to exercise any censures either over any churches or persons; or to impose their determination on the churches or officers.30
29 Acts 15:2,4,6,22,23,25
30 2 Cor. 1:24; 1 John 4:1[2]

It’s important for local churches to have other local churches that come together and solve problems that have moved beyond the singular local church.  But is it even possible for abusive churches or authoritarian leaders to seek and follow counsel from outside sources? Notice the purpose is not “to impose their determination on the churches or officers” but to counsel with them. Authoritarian, abusive leaders don’t take counsel from others.

Plans are established by counsel; by wise guidance wage war. – Proverbs 20:18

Most of the abusive churches I have studied are independent, autonomous groups.  They are not part of a denomination or network that could provide checks and balances or any kind of accountability.  As we have seen over and over again in these pages, their leaders are accountable to no one and resist any outside scrutiny.[3]

Author, blogger and open-air evangelist Peter Boland made the observation that, “Some of the issues are fairly widespread. It seems to have crept into the Reformed camp due to an overreaction regarding church membership. It’s an overreaction to ‘easy believe-ism’ and the ‘no commitment’ church attendance of the 20th century. So now there is this strong emphasis on the membership submitting to the authorities and powers that be, in order to prove, that we are somehow wiser and holier, and that we have more of a ‘healthy church,’ than those mainstream Evangelical churches of the 20th century.”

Abuse can happen on all levels but as people seek a deeper understanding of Christianity, they seek Bible teaching, they affirm and long for more than a surface level faith, and there can be an overreaction.  Sometimes young or growing Christians can swing the pendulum in the other direction.  The Marrow Controversy of the 18th Century exemplified some of the very same issues as Sinclair Ferguson has so eloquently written about in his book, The Whole Christ.

In the well-known sermon Ten Shekels and a Shirt, Paris Reidhead describes the prophet seeking a place to fit.  He was willing to settle for a paycheck and a garment of clothing.  He wasn’t terribly interested in pursuing the best interest of his congregants and ultimately the Lord.  While he may have thought he was, he had an ulterior motive.

Today’s abusive pastor has an ulterior motive.  His life doesn’t match his words.  As John MacArthur describes, “he’s a moral heretic.”  When power or position has been achieved, it’s difficult to let go.  It’s difficult for an authoritarian man to face the truth that his life doesn’t match his speech.  Is the expectation perfection?  Of course not! But these men are called to a high standard and blatant hypocrisy should never be accepted.

As long as Satan prowls around seeking whom he may devour, there will be abusive churches.

Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish every one with tears.  Acts 20:31

The antithesis of the misuse of power is gentleness, which is best seen and understood within the framework of strength.  Gentle leaders, pastors, or teachers do not force their insights and wisdom on the unlearned, nor flaunt their gifts before those in need.  They are patient.  They take time for those who are slow to understand.  They are compassionate with the weak, and they share with those in need.  Being a gentle pastor, shepherd, leader, or teacher is never a sign of being weak, but of possessing power clothed in compassion.[4]

 

This [gentleness] is in stark contrast to the style of abusive leaders, who, as we have seen, often lack compassion and a gentle spirit.  Power has a way of blinding the conscience so that those who spiritually and psychologically abuse others (like abusive parents) show little sign of remorse and repentance.  They deny any guilt for what they have done to people.  And they project their own weaknesses onto others.[5]

Be ever watchful dear friends, know the signs of an abusive church, know how they operate, and be aware.  The greatest defense against abuse is a knowledge of how abusive churches and leaders operate, and most importantly, having an intimate knowledge of the Scriptures.  May the Lord bless His sheep and keep them by His grace.

 

Kevin

 

[1] Churches That Abuse, 1992 by Ronald M. Enroth – page 217

[2]http://www.reformed.org/documents/index.html?mainframe=http://www.reformed.org/documents/baptist_1689.html

[3] Churches That Abuse, 1992 by Ronald M. Enroth – page 217

[4] Harrold Bussell, Unholy Devotion (Grand Rapids:  Zondervan, 1983), 70

[5] Churches That Abuse, 1992 by Ronald M. Enroth – page 219

Churches That Abuse – Part 3

sheep-surprised

Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood. – Acts 20:28

Continuing the series on the book Churches That Abuse by Ronald M. Enroth, the focus for this post will build off the previous topic of control-oriented leaders and spiritual elitism.  For leaders to control and foster elitism there must be mechanisms in place by which control can be maintained.  We will consider aggressive shepherding, having a reporting system in place, and rigidity of lifestyle.

In Part 2, I included links for a movement in the 1970’s called the Shepherding Movement. Shepherding is a biblical concept, but over-shepherding is not.  Peter called it “lording over” or domineering.  Ezekiel describes it as harshness and using force:

The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them. – Ezekiel 34:4

Luke writes that men will arise from within the ranks and they will use subtle means to draw people away from the truth (Acts 20:31).

Enroth explains elements often employed by authoritarian leaders to gain control over a group of people:

Spiritually abusive groups routinely use guilt, fear, and intimidation as effective means for controlling their members.  In my opinion, the leaders consciously foster an unhealthy form of dependency, spiritually and interpersonally, by focusing on themes of submission, loyalty, and obedience to those in authority.[1]

 

According to a former member of the shepherding movement, so-called because its members had “shepherds” who require full submission and taught the need for “spiritual authority,” these “leaders” had the true story of what was going on.  Pastors exercised control and manipulation through their sermons.  Certain themes came through regularly: covenant, authority, obedience, submission, serving, honoring… [2]

Systematically arranging the sheep takes time to implement, but through consistent shepherding, sermons, and studies the calculating leader can accomplish his goals given enough time and buy-in from the people.  Scripture will certainly accompany his methods, but it is often twisted and utilized with a desire to accomplish the objective.

It is a difficult job for one or two shepherds to keep the sheep in line, so one of the strategies often implemented is a monitoring system.  Who better to monitor the sheep than the other sheep, or to have the sheep “self-report” through their own public confessions?  To promote holy living and growth, the sheep interact with each other more often than the shepherd does, so reporting on one another is very effective at creating an atmosphere for abuse.  Once again, mutual accountability is a biblical principle, but is a principle that can run amuck in the wrong hands.

Public times of confrontation, confession, and repentance were common, lasting anywhere from four to twenty hours…  The airing of the most intimate details of one’s life was seen as opening the way for God to take one deeper into the spiritual life.[3]

 

The leaders encouraged people, even children, to reveal each other’s faults.  In a world with few material possessions, the most minor flaws became the source of guilt and self-loathing…  It became a community obsession to root out the most minute bit of evil in their lives with a ruthlessness usually reserved for members of restrictive monastic orders.  “It mattered how you acted, how you talked, even how you thought and looked.”[4]

With this type of living and monitoring, one cannot help but be forced into a rigid lifestyle; it’s a very natural outflow.  Everything matters when supposedly striving for holiness and purity of life.  With aggressive shepherding through control-oriented leaders, a spirit of spiritual elitism, and sheep monitoring other sheep, there is no other option but rigidity.  The table is set for the leaders to abuse the sheep and the sheep are not even aware they have been taken in and deceived.  It is no different than boiling a frog.  The heat is gradually turned up, the monitoring system is fully in place, and the shepherd knows the condition of his flocks.

Is this what the Christian life is all about?

These people may feel as though they are free yet are in bondage to a system of legalistic expectations set up and enforced by their leaders and by themselves.  As The Eagles sang, “So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key.”

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. – 2 Corinthians 3:17

Consistent with a number of similar groups, Pam and Tom’s fellowship attempted to live according to “first-century-church” standards.[5]

 

“We became victims of zealousness without knowledge.”[6]

 

As Pam looks back on the experience, she finds it hard to believe that when people called her brainwashed, she took it as a compliment.  “We were blessed to have a clean mind.  But it did reach a point where I didn’t decide things on my own.  Even vacations had to be cleared with leadership.”[7]

Pam and Tom’s experiences became increasingly more bizarre as leaders enforced a more rigid lifestyle the longer things continued.  “There wasn’t one area in our lives where we weren’t legalistic about something.”

Tom reflects, “It seems strange that during our time in the fellowship, you would think that the overwhelming evidence in the New Testament concerning grace would have had some effect upon our minds concerning these rigidities.”[8]

 

In addition, Pam notes, “I lived in fear of correction, while Scripture tells us to embrace and love it.”  Also, many of the rules and regulations were never actually spoken or articulated as a command.  One simply knew from experience that something was a rule, and, if not adhered to, discipline resulted.[9]

When rigid lifestyles and interactions are demanded, any kind of disagreement is suppressed.  It won’t be tolerated, it creates “division” within the ranks, uprisings are quickly dispatched.  “Conscience became externalized” and members are taught to not “trust their feelings, intuition, and emotions.”

“We stifled the voice of God within, mistaking common-sense reactions for the ‘rising up of the flesh.’”[10]

 

Pam knew that even when she desired to stand and say, “This is crazy!” or, “I don’t agree!” she would have been disciplined for disrupting and coming against authority.[11]

Tom Murray gives a final warning: “It is foolish to think that you can remain objective in an abusive-church situation for any length of time without being subtly influenced.  No one can consider themselves above the possibility of deception.”

The only way to avoid this deception and spiritual abuse is through the Word of God and by the Spirit of God.  If you find yourself in an abusive church, you must leave, but it’s never easy, and as I will write about next time, abusive churches are difficult to escape.

 

Kevin

 

[1] Churches That Abuse, 1992 by Ronald M. Enroth – Page 103

[2] Ibid, – Page 107

[3] Ibid – Page 86

[4] Ibid – Page 60

[5] Ibid – Page 128

[6] Ibid – Page 129

[7] Ibid – Page 129

[8] Ibid – Page 130

[9] Ibid – Page 130

[10] Ibid – Page 131

[11] Ibid – Page 131