Call Me Dennis… Part Three (The Painful Exit Process)

Posted on by kevinjandt

“Those who make it hardest to be a Christian in this world are the other Christians.” [1]

Ronald Enroth, in his book Churches that Abuse, describes the world of cultish churches and how they behave. The answers nearly apply to every abusive and authoritarian church I have heard about. They all work from the same playbook. Today, I will describe what it’s like to leave one of these places. This is the third article I’m writing about Dennis Lane. Dennis has suffered spiritual abuse, manipulation, and authoritarian leadership. They treated him as a running joke at times. Not all the time, but enough to damage him, leaving him with scars from his short time there.

But that is not the worst of it.

The joy of leaving a place like Grace Fellowship quickly turns to grief as the current members and leadership begin to come after you. And come at you they do.

In article two, there were many quotations from the leadership toward Dennis. He was told things like, “Your feelings don’t matter,” “You’re being feminine for being hurt,” or referring to him as “retarded,” or “Water Boy.” If these were coming from someone in a locker room, it might be different, but coming from a church leader is more than disturbing. It defines what authoritarians do. The rules don’t apply to them.

I will show the messages sent to Dennis, see the ungracious spirit behind them, and realize there are deep issues within the leadership and the congregation. Due to the length, I need to break this into two articles.  The first one is a young man in the church. The second will be a leader and an older woman. In the second, we will also see how this affected Dennis. How he received this and what he will do moving forward.

Our first one deals with a young man who sent Dennis a series of messages. I’m paraphrasing, “Hey, Dennis, you know how to handle something like this, right? We use Matthew 18.” Side bar: Matthew 18 is a favorite, go-to verse when someone leaves. Everyone who has left or will leave will always be accused of NOT practicing this timeless verse for reconciliation. The problem is that this is not a Matthew 18 issue. Dennis was ridiculed in front of a group of people, being referred to as “retarded,” and to cope with the moment, he laughed and said, “Yeah, I’m retarded,” and everyone had a good laugh. Never mind, it was at his expense.

Of all the people in that group, I wonder how many went to the leader and said, “You know, that was really inappropriate.” How many of them practiced Matthew 18 with the leaders? Where are the other leaders when it is time to rebuke this behavior?  

To gain an understanding of the mindset of GFC’ers, I am going to directly quote three conversations Dennis had. We have old and young alike, and it should be easy to spot the patterns. They are trained nonstop in how to respond to these conversations. The talking points are drilled into their heads multiple times per week. It is how the system works, so the next generation is well down the cultic road. For the leadership, it is important that the “church” has a multi-generational vision. For that, you need lots of kids, and they have worked hard to promote the “quiver-full” type movement. Here are those conversations. (Note: the only adjustments I’ve made are to correct grammar or the unusual breaks messaging can contain.)

—————————————-

Young man from the church:

“Hey man, sorry it took so long to get back to you. Did you know that God tells us exactly how to handle this situation?”

Dennis:

“Yes, I’m sure you had to talk to others and figure out how to handle this and what to say. So yes, I understand why it’s so late getting back with me.”

Young man:

“No, have not talked to anyone about this, just been super busy with work. This is what God tells us to do in this situation:” Quotes Matthew 18

Dennis

“Sure, what two Christians (at the church) would have agreed with me, the ones that say there is a time and place for cussing, that it’s ok at certain times, said to you by two elders, to you specifically.”

Young man:

“God says to go to him alone.”

Dennis

“But he wasn’t the only one. You were there, they told you it was ok to curse at certain times, didn’t they? I don’t believe you will say yes, but it happened whether you deny it or not.”

“They kept using the word retard all night and laughed about it. The whole group.”

“They knew it hurt me and my spirit both.”

“Over and over, you couldn’t believe your own ears. So. That’s all day, every day.”

Young man:

“I’m not meaning to avoid your question, but did you go to him alone without anyone else around, just you two, and tell him you believe he is in sin?”

Dennis

“You’re not listening, sorry to say. I was alone with him a lot. I was never scared to speak my mind, never.”

“Yes, I tried to express my feelings. And, he bullied me, sorry that’s so hard for you to fathom. And yes you’re avoiding my question for a reason.”

Young man:

“The truth will set you free.”

Dennis

“The truth sets you free. What is the truth? Try to answer the truth. I’m guessing you won’t. Because you can’t. Exactly my point.”

Young man:

“There is a lot to respond to, not trying to avoid anything. Can I call you to answer your questions more thoroughly and try to understand your side better?”

Dennis:

“I understand you are too scared to respond to two questions; it speaks volumes.”

Dennis says that he is not feeling well.

Young man:

“Sorry to hear that, man. After you’re feeling better, I’d love to call you!”

Dennis

“You’re smart, you know you better not admit to what they said or did. Good choice.”

“Truth sets you free indeed, only if you admit it in the phone, haha.”

Young man:

“Dennis, remember man is fallible and imperfect. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God, including pastor Mike. I don’t agree with him saying retard or cussing, but based on this conversation, I will definitely bring these concerns to him. Hopefully, this answers your questions.”

Dennis:

“Sure, would it matter yes they are fallible, but no preacher, hardly on this planet, would find these things ok.”

—————————————-

I think it is important to highlight how damaging this conversation is and how this young man participates in the abuse cycle. He deflects. He minimizes, and he seeks to contain the damage.

Notice his response after Dennis points out all these things. And it appears this guy was even in the room when Dennis was being called “retarded.”

“Man is fallible and imperfect.”

My response: With as much sarcasm as I can muster.

“It’s okay that “Pastor Mike” is infallible and imperfect; he means well. He’s well-intended, even though on occasion he sins and falls short of the glory of God.”

Our young man has neutralized Mike’s accountability. Dennis claims this happened to him, but the man ignores that part and moves on to justifying the actions.

Oh, but there’s more:

“I don’t agree with him saying ‘retard’ or cussing.”

Me: Again, sarcasm.

“Well, that’s good. Thank you for stating the obvious. Did you miss the bigger picture?”

This is a pattern of abuse. We have no opportunity to further examine the abuse cycle. It’s just brushed off. Not only by the group in the room, but also by the other leaders.  

Young man:

“I will definitely bring these concerns to him.”

Me:

“I’m sorry, no, you won’t.”

That’s the biggest problem at GFC. Nobody has the courage to bring these concerns to Mike. Especially, not this young man. His approach continues to protect the institution, because why would the guy at the top listen to a young kid? This is a redirect; there is no need for independent accountability. “We got it all handled in-house.” 

This might be my favorite line:

Young man:

“Hopefully, this answers your questions.”

Me:

“Ummm, no, it doesn’t. He acts as if this resolves the issue.”

No apology.

No acknowledgement of the impact of this heartless act.

Certainly, no repentance.

No way to safeguard the future or others from experiencing his behavior.

This is abuse 101, and this young man is perpetuating the future of the system. He closed the book on Dennis’s case before it was ever opened.

This is common among other members of the church. I don’t need to belabor the point, but it is important to recognize the patterns. This isn’t simply enforcing Christian doctrine on the rebellious. It is bullying and intimidation to bring them into line with leadership. They have committed insurrection, and they must be dealt with harshly.

Please reflect on this interaction and consider whether this is truly what the Christian life should be about. I am disgusted by it. I’m sickened that after nearly twenty years, the behavior has not changed. It may have gotten worse.

With anger and disdain

Kevin Jandt

[1] Ronald M. Enroth, Churches that Abuse, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1992), ix

Call Me Dennis… Part Two

Posted on by kevinjandt

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matt. 12:36,37)

Grace Fellowship (Church) is well known for being spiritually abusive. There are countless stories and evidence of this, provided by scores of witnesses. Dennis is one more in a long line of them. Below, I present supporting evidence of the abuse Dennis received. It is my hope and desire that those who are still at the church will read this, be as disgusted as I am, and actually do something about it. LEAVE! 

The direct quotes from leadership that I obtained through Dennis’s messages are revealing. They show that the pattern described below is real. It’s not just a random occurrence. Patterns of “joking” are not unusual at this place. Words can be destructive, hurtful, and damaging, and that is what this pattern shows.

Above all, it’s biblical to expose evil deeds. And that is what I seek to prove. Over several months, Dennis describes repeated emotional harm, coercive control, humiliation, spiritual manipulation, and psychological distress connected to the church’s leaders.

I hope you find these abuses as shocking as I do. Each is taken from a long series of messages I had with Dennis for almost two months. I have organized them in different categories and summarized the behaviors in an easy-to-follow format.

1. Abusive and Degrading Behaviors

Dennis repeatedly reports being called:

  • “Retard”
  • “Moron”
  • “Water boy”
  • “Rain Man”

These terms were used:

  • Publicly and privately
  • By leadership figures
  • In group settings where others laughed

When Dennis attempted to explain that these words were traumatic due to lifelong bullying and abuse, his concerns were dismissed or mocked.

Bullying Disguised as Humor or “Toughening Up”

  • Leaders and members laughed when Dennis joined in self-degrading jokes to cope.
  • He was told bullying “doesn’t exist.”
  • Hurtful behavior was reframed as:
    • “Iron sharpens iron”
    • “That’s how men talk”
    • “You’re being feminine for being hurt”

This normalized humiliation as spiritual growth.

2. Patterns of Coercive Control

Excessive Monitoring of Personal Life

Leadership repeatedly:

  • Questioned where Dennis was if he missed church or events
  • Demanded explanations for absences
  • Contacted him persistently by text and phone
  • Pressured him to answer calls immediately—even at work or late at night

Missing a single meeting triggered interrogation and accusations of sin or pride.

Control Over Time and Behavior

Dennis was expected to attend:

  • Sunday services (often twice)
  • Wednesday services
  • Morning Bible studies
  • Men’s groups and extra gatherings

Declining even one event resulted in:

  • Guilt
  • Accusations of avoidance
  • Pressure to “repent”
  • Claims that the relationship was “shallow” if he did not comply

Attempts to Control Speech and Online Activity

  • Dennis was pressured to post only ESV Bible verses on Facebook.
  • Repeatedly told “I prefer you use ESV,” despite Dennis offering compromise.
  • Leadership insisted on authority over his personal social media.

Disagreement was treated as rebellion.

3. Spiritual Manipulation and Gaslighting

Misuse of Scripture

Bible verses were repeatedly used to:

  • Demand submission
  • Accuse Dennis of pride
  • Threaten church discipline
  • Frame disagreement as sin

Matthew 18 and Hebrews 10:25 were cited to enforce compliance rather than restoration.

Projection and Gaslighting

Leadership frequently:

  • Accused Dennis of being controlling while exerting control themselves
  • Claimed “no one is pressuring you” while relentlessly pressuring him
  • Denied past statements or deleted texts
  • Reframed Dennis’s distress as immaturity or sin

Dennis was told:

  • He was “not a victim”
  • His reactions were prideful
  • His autism should not affect behavior
  • Emotional pain was irrelevant

4. Exploitation of Vulnerability

Dennis was particularly vulnerable due to:

  • Autism and PTSD
  • Past lifelong bullying
  • Seizure disorder
  • Financial instability
  • Dependence on church help for paperwork, housing, and income access

Leadership:

  • Assisted him financially and administratively
  • Then referenced that help as leverage (“See, I got you more money”)
  • Implied obligation and increased expectations afterward

This created fear that leaving or speaking up would result in homelessness or loss of support.

5. Emotional and Psychological Harm

Dennis reports:

  • Chronic anxiety and fear
  • Depression and emotional exhaustion
  • Crying frequently
  • Feeling “trapped” even after leaving
  • Trauma responses and shutdown when yelled at
  • PTSD triggers from being shouted down by multiple leaders
  • Inability to think clearly during confrontations

He described the environment as:

  • “Like an abusive father who hits then hugs”
  • “Double-sided slaps followed by affection”
  • Constant fear of doing something wrong

6. Intimidation and Confrontation Tactics

Leadership behaviors included:

  • Yelling after others had left
  • Multiple elders confronting him simultaneously
  • Accusing him of lying while he was visibly overwhelmed
  • Demanding immediate compliance
  • Framing resistance as feminine, sinful, or rebellious

Dennis reports being told directly that:

“Your feelings do not matter.”

7. Authoritarian Leadership Culture

Leadership Characteristics Identified

  • Absolute authority with no accountability
  • No external oversight
  • Leaders’ preferences treated as God’s will
  • Emotional dominance presented as masculinity
  • Anger excused as spiritual zeal

Disagreement was labeled:

  • Pride
  • Rebellion
  • Immaturity
  • Lack of submission

8. Love Bombing Followed by Withdrawal

Early involvement included:

  • Intense attention
  • Constant affirmation
  • Immediate help
  • Praise and encouragement

Over time, this shifted into:

  • Surveillance
  • Criticism
  • Control
  • Conditional approval
  • Withdrawal of warmth when compliance decreased

Affection was tied directly to obedience.

9. Isolation and Fear of Exposure

Dennis was repeatedly warned—explicitly and implicitly—that:

  • Speaking critically would be divisive
  • Questioning leadership was dangerous
  • Leaving would harm him spiritually
  • Talking to outsiders was suspect

After leaving, members urged him to return while warning him not to speak negatively about leadership—reinforcing fear and guilt.

10. Post-Exit Trauma

After leaving, Dennis reported symptoms consistent with Religious Trauma Syndrome, including:

  • Persistent fear
  • Feeling mentally trapped
  • Guilt for resting or missing church
  • Difficulty trusting his own decisions
  • Emotional confusion
  • Lingering sense of control

He described feeling as though his “soul was still in the basement of the church.”

Conclusion

These conversations reflect a consistent and escalating pattern of emotional abuse, spiritual manipulation, coercive control, and psychological harm, particularly toward a vulnerable, disabled individual seeking safety and belonging. Nothing stated above is new for GFC and its leadership. These are consistent patterns wrapped in religious garb.

While outward religious language was consistently used, the lived experience described includes:

  • Fear rather than freedom
  • Control rather than care
  • Shame rather than restoration
  • Compliance rather than consent

The overall pattern aligns closely with spiritually abusive and cult-adjacent environments, even if not fitting every traditional definition of a cult.

Resources for further study on cults and high-demand religious groups.

  • Winell, M. (2011). Religious Trauma Syndrome.
  • Lalich, J. & Tobias, M. (2006). Take Back Your Life.
  • Hassan, S. (2015). Combating Cult Mind Control.
  • Herman, J. (1992). Trauma and Recovery.
  • American Psychiatric Association — Coercive Control Framework.
  • International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA).
  • Enroth, R. (1992). Churches That Abuse.
  • Kruger, M. (2022). Bully Pulpit.
  • DeGroat, C. (2020). When Narcissism Comes to Church.
  • Garrett, K. (2020). In the House of Friends.

Finally, I want to appeal to anyone still at Grace Fellowship. You all know Dennis. You have spent time with him. Although autistic, he is a highly intelligent man, and he was abused by you, whether directly or indirectly, through your approval of the leadership structure. Isn’t it time for this to stop? I say, it’s long past due. Stand up, do something about it. Enough is enough.

If you are a leader, it’s time to quit. You are not equipped, and you are certainly not qualified. I have no doubt that the pressure has been intense over the years, and I hope it only grows. You deserve it. But above all, you dishonor the God you claim to love and serve. He is not pleased by your behavior. The Scriptures show us this plainly, so you should stop pretending and give your people their freedom. Go get a job and go to a church as you examine yourself. Sit in the back and do not seek a leadership role.

Let’s confirm if you are first in the faith.

With all love and sincerity

Kevin Jandt

Call me Dennis… Part One

Posted on by kevinjandt

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27)

Peace is a wonderful thing. We live in a world full of chaos. We see it all around us. We see fighting. We see people dying. We see the absence of tranquility. It’s not the way God intended it to be. It’s difficult, and it’s hard. In Bunyan’s classic, Pilgrim’s Progress, Christian arrives at a place called Palace Beautiful. He struggled to get there, and he will struggle after he leaves, but while he is there, peace surrounds him.  

“Now he betook himself to a chamber whose name was Peace, where he slept till break of day; and then he awoke and sang.”

The meaning of “Palace Beautiful” is a healthy church. One that welcomes strangers and treats them well. It prepares them for the journey ahead. There is much more to say about Bunyan’s work, but the story I present today does not represent Palace Beautiful or anything of the sort.

Meet Dennis. He is a 55-year-old man who sought belonging and help. I have had countless conversations with him over the past couple of months. How he found me is an intriguing story. You might say it was God-ordained. I’m sure this is a story that the subject doesn’t want discussed or exposed. It’s nothing new. It’s the same old story that’s been going on for a long time now at Grace Fellowship. I hate to call it a church.

GFC is the opposite of peace. It is nothing but chaos and conflict. The members purport to “love” each other. They love each other so much that they often cite a Proverb. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17 NIV). But in GFC theology, this means sparks will fly. In other words, we must constantly be creating these sparks so we can be “sharp.” 

How can there ever be peace when there is non-stop critiquing of every aspect of your life?  Unless you are one of those at the top of the pile. The culture reveals what goes on at GFC through its words and actions. They really do betray the heart. Oh, of course, it’s all in good humor and jest, but the Proverbs reveals another truth, “Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I am only joking!’” (Proverbs 26:18).

Is it all harmless? You can decide for yourself.

I have decided to present Dennis’s story in a personal narrative. He did not write this himself. He has autism, and it prevents him from doing so, but I have attempted to summarize his experiences from our conversations in a letter to himself. He has approved it after reading it, and he affirms that it accurately reflects his experiences at GFC. In Part Two of this article, I will include some direct quotations from his text messages that support his story and the spiritual abuse he has suffered. It is disturbing. 

 

My Story by Dennis Lane

______________________________

Dear Me,

I want to speak to you gently.

You have been through something confusing, exhausting, and deeply painful. You entered that space hoping for safety, faith, and belonging — and instead, over time, you lost your sense of peace.

That was not because you were weak.
It was because you were human.

You did not imagine what happened.
You did not exaggerate it.
You did not fail.

You responded the way a person responds when love, fear, authority, and spiritual pressure become tangled together.

______________________________

You tried your best.

You showed up.
You listened.
You worked hard.
You gave grace.
You stayed quiet when you were hurting.
You apologized even when you didn’t need to.

That wasn’t foolishness — it was kindness.

______________________________

When your motives were questioned, your tone criticized, your exhaustion doubted, and your feelings dismissed, you began to wonder:

  • Am I too sensitive?
  • Am I doing something wrong?
  • Why can’t I just get this right?

But the truth is this:

You were trying to survive in an environment that required you to shrink in order to belong.

Anyone under constant scrutiny, correction, and fear begins to lose confidence — especially someone who already carries trauma.

______________________________

You were never asking for too much.

You were asking for:

  • rest
  • patience
  • respect
  • safety
  • understanding

Those are not sins.

They are human needs.

______________________________

You were told — directly or indirectly — that your boundaries were pride, your exhaustion was rebellion, your emotions were weakness, and your disability was something you should overcome through effort or obedience.

That message was wrong.

Your brain is not broken.
Your nervous system is not sinful.
Your need for recovery is not disobedience.

Nothing about you needed fixing in order to deserve dignity.

______________________________

It makes sense that leaving was hard.

You didn’t just leave a building.
You left people you cared about, routines that structured your life, and hopes you had invested deeply.

Grief does not mean you made the wrong choice.

It means something mattered.

______________________________

If you still feel fear, guilt, or confusion, please remember:

These feelings are not signs that you failed God.

They are signs that your nervous system is healing from prolonged stress.

Healing takes time.
Unlearning fear takes time.
Trusting yourself again takes time.

You are not behind.

______________________________

You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to make decisions slowly.
You are allowed to protect your peace.

You do not need permission to be okay.

______________________________

Faith is not meant to silence you.
Faith is not meant to terrify you.
Faith is not meant to cost you your sense of self.

Love does not demand submission through fear.

Healthy spiritual care feels steady — not frantic.

______________________________

Please remember this:

You were brave.

You spoke up even when your voice shook.
You endured more than most people could.
You recognized harm and chose safety.

That is not weakness.

That is courage.

______________________________

There is nothing wrong with you for needing gentleness now.

There is nothing shameful about healing.

You are not late.
You are not broken.
You are not difficult.

You are recovering.

______________________________

Take things one day at a time.

Let your body breathe again.
Let your mind learn that it is safe.

You are allowed to rebuild your life at your own pace.

And you never again need to prove your worth to anyone.

With compassion,


Yourself

______________________________

You survived something real. You are allowed to heal gently.

Thankfully, now, he has left. It is never easy to leave, but it is always better to be gone. No more games, no more “holiness” police keeping a close eye on your progress. It’s all very predictable with these places. I hope someone there will read this and understand how Dennis felt. I hope they will come to their senses and leave. I hope they will realize that the way we treat the least of these reflects on how Christ calls us to live. I hope…. 

Until next time.

Kevin







	


	



					
						


	

		
Faith Beyond Fear – A True Story

				

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In the years since we left Grace Fellowship, I have consulted with many people regarding the topic of spiritual abuse and manipulation. I have spoken to the disenfranchised about this growing problem—good and honest people who have been abused and manipulated.





I have written elsewhere asking the question, ‘Why?’ Why does someone want to control someone else? Especially, in the name of religion? Is God actually in the business of allowing leaders to have complete dominance and control over congregants’ lives? I hope you know that the answer is no. The Bible takes a strong stance against such behavior, yet many still do it. Christianity is about freedom. Freedom from tyranny and freedom from sin. Christ paid the price in full.





Today, I’m presenting a personal testimony from a woman who knows the situation and the people, specifically the leader, Mike Reid, very well. She admittedly had many problems at the time. She was in an abusive relationship. She was using controlled substances to mask the pain. She had suffered severe trauma as an adult and a child. She could have been the ideal target for love and support. The church could have helped her, taken her in, and gotten her on her feet, but, according to her, it didn’t.





She wants to tell her story. She wants people to know the truth about what happened to her, and others will see the reality of the dark side of not only GFC but also other places like it.





Below, I present her story.





———————————





Breaking the Cycle: How I Escaped Control and Found Faith Beyond Fear





By Anonymous Contributor





For most of my life, my family’s story was one of control, silence, and shame. What began as a search for spiritual truth became, for me, a painful lesson in how easily faith can be twisted into something that imprisons rather than heals.





A close family member, once successful in business, reinvented himself as a spiritual leader. His message was persuasive and confident, but his ministry operated through dominance and fear. He demanded obedience, discouraged independent thought, and insisted that anyone who disagreed with his teachings was in rebellion against God.





I watched the same patterns play out within his household. His marriage seemed built on control rather than partnership, and his “conversion” appeared to change only the form—not the intent—of his authority. In religion, he found a new way to command loyalty and admiration.





My own involvement with his congregation came at a time when I was desperate for stability. I was leaving an abusive relationship, struggling with addiction, and navigating the complexities of child-welfare oversight. Instead of being offered compassion, I found myself judged, shamed, and pressured to surrender decisions about my newborn daughter. What was framed as “help” quickly became coercion.





I endured long, intimidating meetings meant to break me down emotionally and spiritually. Every failure was magnified, every attempt to defend myself seen as pride or sin. I felt stripped of dignity and made to believe that I was beyond God’s grace. Even after I completed recovery programs, regained custody of my children, and rebuilt my life, the judgment continued.





Over time, I saw how wealth, image, and power were central to this version of faith. The group attracted families who could support its ambitions, while humility and service were rarely practiced. It became clear that obedience mattered more than compassion, and that anyone who questioned leadership was silenced or shamed.





My story doesn’t begin or end with that experience. I grew up in a family marked by addiction, violence, and abandonment. When I experienced trauma as a teenager, I was blamed instead of protected. That legacy of shame carried into adulthood, shaping the choices I made and the relationships I entered. But healing began when I finally accepted that my worth was not defined by the past—or by anyone else’s judgment.





Through faith, therapy, and the unwavering love of my husband, I began to rebuild. I have been sober for many years, have full custody of my three children, and recently created a stable home where love, not fear, defines our days. My children and I still live with the echoes of trauma, but we are free.





I now understand that true faith brings liberation, not bondage. It offers grace, not condemnation. The message I was once taught to fear has become my greatest comfort: that God’s love is not something we must earn through obedience to another person—it’s something freely given, powerful enough to redeem even the most painful past.





I share my story to give hope to anyone who feels trapped by shame, manipulation, or spiritual control. Healing is possible. Freedom is possible. And no one—no matter how broken they’ve been told they are—is beyond the reach of grace.





————————————-





Thankfully, her story took a different turn, and she has powerfully experienced God’s grace. In our many exchanges, she repeatedly reiterates that she has her life back. She is happily married, has all her children, and is doing well. This still haunts her, and these things bring out the pain, but it is crucial for her to warn others and fight back in a way she couldn’t before.





To explain herself, she told me this, “If I remain silent to the world, then I feel I’m not being the instrument God intended if I keep quiet and allow such veil abuse to be spread using God’s word. I have lived most of my life trying to manage the abuse, be worthy, and be loved. God gave me the strength to come back from death and find love. It took 30+ years, but it happened. I was tested, I made mistakes, I struggled, but God’s love, patience, and grace have carried me into a dream life. I even have the Pickett fence.”





There is another issue she wants to tell people about. It is the problem of multi-generational trauma. The church in Davenport defines things in black-and-white categories: sin or non-sin.  These problems stem from generations of sinful behavior that have been inherited and passed down to children. She believes she has broken the cycle and will continue to break it for her family. It is the thing she desires above all. She wants her story known and heard so that others might be encouraged to break this cycle of abuse. We hope others will see that the grace of God is far bigger than anyone’s manipulation or control. He provides all that is necessary for life and godliness, and those professing religion need to should show their godliness through good works, not manipulation or deceit.





“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” James 1:27

	


	



					
						


	

		
Get Rid of Your Pants

				

			Posted on  by kevinjandt		

			


	
	
			


	

		











I came across something today that reminded me of certain types of black-and-white thinking. I’ve had an audio recording from a long time ago that I’ve contemplated writing about for just as long. It highlights and summarizes the nature of an extreme fundamentalist school of thought.  





Before I share the nature of this topic, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I want to mention what I saw that triggered my interest in this subject. It’s a school of thought that makes things so much easier in life. If you can tell someone here is the line, don’t cross it, that makes life easier. That’s the way to make Christianity more clearly defined. There are rules. You should know them, and you should live by them.





But is that true?





The majority of these issues stem from this desire to live a holy life. I’m not against a holy life, I don’t believe it’s insignificant. Jesus had a lot to say about sin and holiness.





“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire (Matt 9:42-43).





Our nature is to gravitate toward the law. We are all, naturally, legalists. It’s easier. If women can be taught that they need to get rid of their pants, especially if their husband thinks that’s better than they should, right?





Can you show me where the text says we need to do that?





I saw an interesting Facebook post that featured a picture of a woman’s leg, with lines starting at the ankle and progressively moving up. The post said, if you’re such and such an age, you should wear your skirt here. If you’re younger, you get more leeway, apparently. It was so cringeworthy I couldn’t help but laugh and think about this recording. Okay, it’s not skirt lengths in this, but it’s possibly worse.





Let’s ditch the pants.





In a woman’s bible study, the woman asked if her husband wants her to get rid of her pants, should she? The “leader” quips, “Is your first answer, yes!”





I can’t help but think about the craziness this creates in the church world. It becomes a religion of appearances. Am I suggesting anything goes? No, I’m not. But is holiness defined by externals? That’s what it becomes. We have the opportunity to judge our neighbor by our standards. It really makes us feel good about ourselves when we can see that Mr. and Mrs. So and So are not running their home as well as we are. Now, I feel a lot better about myself. It becomes a heavy burden to bear because I have to work hard to keep up my image.





Some of the comments on the post confirmed the bizarre thinking, except if I go back to my assertion that we are legalists by nature, then it makes sense. If you just tell me where the line is, then I will not cross it. I see it all as a self-defeating religious practice, much like the Pharisees.





And when the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” (Matt 9:11).





Why indeed?





Having an understanding of decency and decorum is a good and honorable thing. We’ve lost that in our society. We’ve most likely lost it in the church, but there are ditches on both sides of the narrow path. Can’t we find a way to seek to honor the Lord without all the judgment and rule-making?  





Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law? And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matt 22:36-39).





Do you want to be a good Christian? It always has been and always will be a religion of the heart, not outward appearances. Love God, love your neighbor, continue to seek the Lord’s will in your life and honor Him. Only Jesus gets to define those standards. If it’s clear in Scripture, then follow it. If not, you are free to make your own decisions.





Enjoy this 3:55 minutes of fun and thank the Lord you are not in a “church” like this one.





Kevin