Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with malice (Ephesians 4:31).
Over the years I have been accused of slander. While I have no doubt those who accuse me of such a thing are searching for a way to discredit me because I’ve said a lot of things about them. What I’ve said has been pointed and sharp. I’ve been critical and used a serrated edge in many instances, but slander is a whole different thing. Actually, since I’ve written most of these things, technically, it’s called libel, but that seems to be splitting hairs, at least from my point of view. I have written hard things about them, that is for sure. They don’t like it, that’s also for sure. In one case, they disliked it so much that they wrote the elders asking them to ask me to stop. To the credit of these elders, they investigated and replied that they didn’t believe I had done anything wrong and told us to obey our conscience.
The issue of slander is real in the church. There are people who say things or write things about others that are not true, or the truth is distorted. That might be what my accusers think, I don’t know for sure. We haven’t discussed it. No matter, they don’t appreciate it. The New Testament contains the word slander ten times. It’s a tough word. I don’t mean the word is hard to say, it’s something that can do real damage to people.
In the verse above, Paul tells the Christians in Ephesus that they need to put away these things. They all go together. Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice. I don’t have to define each of these words for you, most of us have a good idea what they mean. But often slander, in most people’s minds, is saying mean things about someone. That is partially true, especially from the other person’s perspective.
The definition of slander is speech injurious to someone’s good name. It is effectually designed to tear down and hurt them, but the clincher is the statements are untrue.
Here is a helpful definition from the Pocket Dictionary of Ethics,
The act of uttering false statements, or disseminating misinformation, for the purpose of defaming or injuring the reputation of another person. Technically, slander occurs when the defamatory statement is articulated in a transient form such as audible speech. When the form is more permanent, such as in writing or a public broadcast, it becomes libel, and thus potentially a criminal offense.[1]
The Catholic Encyclopedia adds that it is known the person is innocent.
Slander is the attributing to another of a fault of which one knows him to be innocent. It contains a twofold malice, that which grows out of damage unjustly done to our neighbor’s good name and that of lying as well. [2]
The warning here, and especially from Scripture, is that it is hurtful and sinful. The warnings are abundant, and Jesus says it comes from the heart (Matt. 15:19, Mark 7:22).
I wrote this in a previous article that I think outlines my point. If I said or wrote that someone was a bank robber and my intent was to harm their reputation, knowing it wasn’t true, that would qualify as slander or libel. However, if I wrote or said they were a bank robber and they had been arrested, tried, and convicted of being a bank robber, that is not slander or libel. In no way do I intend to say something untrue about them to injure them.
With the case in point, as it relates to those I’ve been accused of slandering, it is my opinion, backed up by my experience, and the facts that I have stated these people are what I’ve claimed. For example, I’ve written a lengthy article on why I believe Mike Reid and the elders of Grace Fellowship are disqualified from ministry. This is not just my opinion. It is backed up by the things I stated above. My experience, the facts, and other eyewitnesses. I have no desire to defend myself to them, that is a lost cause, but what I wish to do is make a point made by Andrew Rappaport in one of the podcasts I participated. He said, if those making the accusation of slander cannot provide the evidence of slander, then they are the one slandering. In other words, if Mike Reid claims I’m slandering him, and he does, he needs to show me where I’ve done so. If he can’t, or he won’t, then he is slandering me.
I have abundant evidence of their claim of my slander. I’d like to know where I’ve slandered them. I believe I can provide evidence of every claim I’ve made that is derogatory about them, and that is a long list. It is a list attested to by many witnesses. It’s not an off-the-cuff thing, like he is a bank robber. I take my Christianity seriously, and I don’t want to willingly slander anyone. What I know is the practices and the things that occur at Grace Fellowship are damaging to people. Countless people. And with no end in sight. If Mike wants to believe that is slander he is welcome to think that, but I think I have plenty of evidence to support my case. I look forward to hearing what he has to say, but I expect I won’t.
Kevin Jandt
[1] Stanley J. Grenz and Jay T. Smith, Pocket Dictionary of Ethics, The IVP Pocket Reference Series (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2003), 109.
[2] Joseph Delany, “Slander,” in The Catholic Encyclopedia: An International Work of Reference on the Constitution, Doctrine, Discipline, and History of the Catholic Church, ed. Charles G. Herbermann et al. (New York: The Encyclopedia Press; The Universal Knowledge Foundation, 1907–1913).
Sometimes, we can say or write things that strike a chord with people. That can be good or bad, but it can also be profitable in causing someone to think. This should always be the goal when approaching sensitive topics. Most often, I see people who have formed their opinions or come to their convictions are rarely convinced to move outside their box and consider other views. I’m this way with certain things, and I’m sure you are. Mental health and the church should not be at odds with one another, but often that is the case. Is there room for modern methods, such as psychology and neuroscience,[1] that still allow for the sufficiency of Scripture in counseling? I sure hope so.
Recently, a man I knew committed suicide, and it set off, in my mind, a discussion and a renewed interest in the topic of mental health. What is the role of mental health in the life of a Christian? The Christian church is always and consistently under attack from the outside but also from the inside. Paul said that from within, savage wolves would arise (Acts 20:29-30). Mental health, similarly, arises from within. The secret thoughts of the mind, and those that come from a broken mind, can be the undoing or that which causes the greatest damage.
I also believe the church is ill-equipped to handle many of these challenges. I don’t mean all are ill-equipped, nor do I mean to say, “I am equipped.” Like many pastors and Seminary students, I’ve taken a semester of counseling. I even thought I would pursue this more, but I have not, at least for now. I’ve seen the lopsidedness of many, especially in the Reformed movement. I also want to acknowledge that I’m grateful for the course I took that sought to balance Christian and secular counseling.
Allow me to illustrate using examples from two well-known Christian counselors.
In his book, The Christian Counselor’s Manual – The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling, Jay Adams writes,
“Counseling, therefore, must be understood and conducted as a spiritual battle. The counselor must consider himself a solider of Christ engaged in spiritual warfare when counseling. For that battle the ‘full armour of God’ alone is sufficient. Unbelieving counselors not only lack such equipment, but moreover, obviously are totally ignorant of the true nature of this situation. In Fact, since they are soldiers in the army of Satan, they are on the other side and, therefore, hardly can be relied upon to free Christian counselees from Satan’s grips.”[2]
Adams, footnotes this quote and says, “Not that God, in His amazing providence, at times does not use unsaved persons to do just that and thus ‘make the wrath of man to praise Him.’ But, as faithful Christians, our responsibility is to turn to Christian counselors and not to test the Lord (Galatians 6:1). See The Big Umbrella, pp. 146-155.”
The quotation says a lot about Adams’s philosophy of counseling, and while I find the statement problematic on several levels, which I hope becomes clear through this article, he is not completely wrong. Yes, an unbeliever will not understand the spiritual nature of the battle, and their goal is not to have the counselee in right relationship with God, but are they unequipped to understand situations and offer valuable assistance? Are they ignorant to counsel someone who is hurting? Adams seems to hedge his bet with the footnote, and perhaps there is some hesitation within his thought process.
Can we take his words and apply them to other fields of study? What about modern medicine, say, a heart surgeon? Is he unequipped to perform an open-heart surgery because he is not a believer? Why does the Christian look at those who study the brain, in relationship to neuroscience or childhood development or modern psychology, as voodoo science when it comes to helping those in need, even Christian patients? I realize I’m painting with a wide brush by including different fields of study. Still, these have all too often been viewed as illegitimate by many Christians. Not only illegitimate but often ridiculed.
I want to clarify that I’m not discounting the authority or sufficiency of Scripture, but Scripture does not speak to every single issue and offers solutions to all possible scenarios. For example, what about Alzheimer’s and Dementia, or brain injuries that can occur through a car accident or other severe damage? What about childhood trauma or spiritual abuse? These are different categories and can include not only physical damage but also spiritual damage.
Edward Welch wrote in his book Blame It on the Brain? – Distinguishing Chemical Imbalances, Brain Disorders, and Disobedience“
I have found that a rudimentary understanding of brain functioning can be very useful when it comes to understanding and helping others. For example, a knowledge of brain function can help us answer questions about chemical imbalances and the appropriateness of psychiatric medicines. It can help us understand people whose ability to learn and think are different from our own. And it can also help us distinguish between physical and spiritual problems.”[3]
Welch’s understanding and writing include these important categories, yet he doesn’t excuse sin. In my experience, I’ve encountered a few people who are disciples of Adams, and they were not nearly as gracious as what is required for good counseling. I also do not want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Adams has written many books on counseling, and they contain helpful and useful information for applying biblical truth to situations. Still, sadly, I see him held up as the standard bearer and his methods as gospel by some who lack empathy.
Developing discernment and having a heart of compassion combined with education, knowledge, and experience is the best guide to appropriate counseling. Rarely are things one size fits all. Welch shows balance. “Because theology is the lens through which Christians interpret all research, and it is essential that our lenses be clear and accurate.” [4] Welch never dismisses the biblical view of brain research but instead applies it where and when necessary while still acknowledging the value of modern sciences and areas of study, such as “genetics, neurochemistry, and brain injury and disease.”[5]
What I’ve observed seems to be an overreaction to modern psychology, neuroscience, childhood development, and similar fields that many Christians label secular and dismiss any value they may hold. They take it to the extreme, and while I know there are extremes and bad practitioners in these fields, there are also bad actors in the Christian community who do more harm by outright rejecting these sciences. Things are rarely black or white.
I cannot hold your attention with the many categories involved, so let me mention depression as a general overview. Welch, quoting Martha Manning and William Styron, writes, “Depression has been called ‘a room in hell,’ a howling tempest in the brain.” Welch goes on to describe it like this, “When you listen to people describe their depression, you will hear two extremes. People will report that the pain is so intense that they want to die. Others will describe an emotional numbness in which they are already dead. Sometimes you will hear one person describe living with both extremes simultaneously.” [6]
The cause is not easy to determine, but it is real for the person suffering from depression. Welch once again describes this through the words of a friend, “A friend of mine wrote, ‘I am suicidal again. I have no energy or reason to fight. I am numb and tried all the things I know how to try. I know I won’t be able to function like this much longer. There is no one to talk to. I’m suffocating. I can think the best thoughts all day and I still feel like this. No one knows how badly I want to die. My thoughts are obsessive and won’t stop. They keep saying, ‘I want to die.’” [7]
The cost of a misdiagnosis here can be deadly. When well-meaning or not-so-well-meaning pastors or counselors attempt to lump this all under the banner of sin, there are bound to be consequences. Offering the wrong counsel can have deadly effects. Here is the danger of relying strictly on a nouthetic counselor like Adams. We know David had depression, as did Paul, Elijah, and Jeremiah. And the well-known preacher Charles Spurgeon. The brain is a complex machine capable of all kinds of things we know little about.
While counseling should involve the Scriptures and the spiritual, I am hard-pressed to say medications, modern psychology, and brain science are sinful. I often say that if one needs counsel outside the church, seek one that is not hostile to the Bible or Christianity. The surface has been barely scratched on this topic. It is deep, wide, and complicated. I caution those involved in counseling to seek the wisdom from above but never discount the opportunities from those trained to understand the brain at a higher level. This does not call into question God’s word or His authority. It does not discount the value of speaking about spiritual things to spiritual people. The Bible is sufficient, but God has given us His common grace that extends to all of mankind, including scientific developments that greatly value human existence and real human problems.
Most importantly, no matter where you land on this topic, love must be the guiding principle in all we do. As mentioned above, many have formed strong opinions about this topic and the answers. What I don’t think you will find in the Scriptures is a clear command seeking help outside the church is sinful. It seems to me Jay Adams takes it that far, and I think that is a shame. If you believe it is sinful, how would you counsel or speak with someone who doesn’t share your view? Will harsh judgment and condemnation rule your spirit, or can you say with Paul without love, you are a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal? (1 Cor. 13:1).
Understanding and dealing with those who experience depression or other similar issues demands love and compassion. As Christians, we should be known for our compassion and empathy. Here are some examples of what not to say, and these are direct quotes from friends who struggle,
“Depression is just a sin. It means you don’t have enough faith.”
“What do you have to be depressed/anxious about? Isn’t your joy in the Lord?”
“Jesus was a man of many sorrows for you. Why would you want to hold onto what he took away?”
“Try harder to have more joy. You worry too much about being happy. Happiness is fleeting. Joy is in God. I mean, what are you saying to God when you complain?”
“You’re suicidal? I thought you were saved?”
Rather than being one of Job’s worthless counselors, start by being slow to speak and quick to listen. Be a friend and show empathy. Be gentle and kind in your answers, especially when you don’t understand or can’t relate. I want to leave you with a beautiful poem by my dear friend Todd Pearson. He has struggled with depression for many years. You will hear and feel his pain. Above all, may the Lord guide us in His wisdom and His love for those who suffer (2 Corinthians 3-11).
Ne’er Again the Light
…The nature of my soul is singular… …There are darkened corners in recesses of my being… …Shades of shadows are the depth of my rest… …Darkness cloaks the guttural visceral reality of living…
…People speak of light but ne’er fathom perilous substance… …Light of love… …Luminescence of such amity…
…Yet, what of sleep… …Slumber finds you in its arms in depths of darkness… …Best reveries happen upon us in deep darkness embraced… …Vast nebulous expanses ill lit mark the safest of our hours…
-Ne’er Again the Light-
…Hollowness of words uttered mark emptied mastery… …Deity is luminosity… … Sanctuary is sunlit existence… …Veracity is brightness as lies lie in the twilight of betrayal…
…Heave your burdens out from the penumbra of self-isolation… …Diurnal course brings sanctified sanctuaried healing of the pnuema… …The best of intellect is bright… …Yet the least of intellect is darkness…
…Embrace light to grasp at hope… …The matter of very being is woven of strands of ascendent illumination… …To dwell there is to persevere in the peace of the masses…
-Ne’er Again the Light-
…Yet truth rests betwixt the shadows… …The one, say even I, that has only ever known dark… …Must remain in its abiding shelter or know only pain… … Conditioned to interweave solemn invulnerability with eclipse…
… Finding solace within the apportioned lot of one’s progenitor… …Seizing upon the succor of the known… … Shrinking instead from the light of inconceivable joy…
-Ne’er Again the Light-
… Had it been the best it would have been preferable… … Better to have never known the consolation of light… … Then to evermore dread its substance…
-Ne’er Again the Light-
…One dwells in the comfort of what is known… … Branching as it were on the tenebrous existence of habitual tranquility… …Amity of that arises from trepidation of experienced felicity…
… Preferable to the aching soul… … To have never known such bliss… … To have never clung to such joy…
… Then to have participated in facade of mocking reality… …To have given attestation to such hope… …That the burdened pnuema could ever behold… …. such joy…
…No ne’er again the light… -No- -Ne’er again the light-
[2] Jay E. Adams, The Christian Counselor’s Manual: The Practice of Nouthetic Counseling, (Grand Rapids, MI, Zondervan, 1973), 117.
[3] Edward T. Welch, Blame it on the brain?: Distinguishing chemical imbalances, brain disorders, and disobedience. (Phillipsburg, NJ, P & R Publishing, 1998), 12.
We live in an unfair and complicated world. The more conveniences we have, the more difficult it gets. As an example, how many user names and passwords do you have? I know I’m not supposed to use the same one, but how many can a guy remember at once? I never had them as a kid because I never had so much at the tip of my fingertips on the World Wide Web, but that is one small example.
I’m involved in a ministry that I never anticipated. I won’t bore you with details. I’ve spilled enough virtual ink that you may know if you’ve read me over the past five years. For those that don’t or just stumbled upon this, the crux is that I and we, by default, have found a home ministering to those who have left or are in the process of leaving spiritually abusive churches. It wasn’t my first choice. I landed in this by dumb luck, and if you are a Fundy, I meant to say dumb providence.
The most recent issue that confronted me is nearly unthinkable. Looking back, it doesn’t surprise me, but this one surprised me. A man I knew once in my life decided the best way to deal with his life was to end it. While processing this tragedy, I’ve had several conversations with those who considered the same exit strategy but gratefully did not. I’m betting if I had time with many others who know the situation intimately, they would confess at one time or another that they also considered it a possible route.
Although this is my third article on the subject, it is a struggle to say the right things and avoid the wrong. See here, and here. It’s tragic, yes, that’s obvious. The word tragedy is probably too common, and the meaning has morphed to describe something that should have never happened. I agree with the standard definition. One of the Merriam-Webster definitions says, “a serious drama typically describing a conflict between the protagonist and a superior force (such as destiny) and having a sorrowful or disastrous conclusion that elicits pity or terror.”
Here is a definition that fits, at least on a small scale. We have a protagonist, that is the man who ended his own life. We have a superior force. That is the one in question. He is a superior force in the lives of those he rules over. They bend to his wishes, and they bow to his needs. If he declares or intimates that one is unworthy, then it is so. And, of course, we have a sorrowful and disastrous conclusion that elicits pity or terror. Our protagonist is gone. Our superior force is still ruling.
Looking back on all this, it only makes sense that it would happen. The superior force can cause the protagonist to believe untrue things about himself. Suppose the protagonist confesses that he has come to believe in the Lord as Savior. We see a significant change in his life. Of course, there is a stage-cage period where he follows the company plan to evangelize all his friends, family, and co-workers. He’s overly zealous, of course, but then he starts to settle down. Was this the beginning of the downward spiral? Wasn’t he constantly after them to convert or suffer an eternity in hell? Or was it worse than that? Perhaps he had some sin in his life. Sin, of course, is the mortal enemy of Christianity. In the circle our protagonist runs, sin is forbidden. Any sin that gives a forward-facing node is bound to attract the superior force’s attention and foot soldiers’ attention.
Naturally, this sin must be dealt with. Sometimes, it is done through private conversations or the reporting of the sheep. In nasty cases, it deserves a visit to the superior force’s headquarters. Not only was the superior force present, but so were his aid-de-camps. Perhaps our protagonist even has his closest confidant involved, and maybe they see the sin as well and either give a report back to the superior force or are directly involved in calling it out. Either way, our protagonist begins to feel helpless. Eventually, if it goes on long enough, he loses hope.
These societies create a dependency state and crush the spirits of even the strongest. This man was strong. He was committed to the care of those he loved, and above all, I have no doubts he loved the Lord, and he is in heaven rejoicing that the Savior would even save a man who was a sinner such as he was.
How do we make sense of this? As the title says, making sense of the senseless. I don’t know. It is unclear at this time. I can’t reconcile all of it in my mind. I’ve heard many things. I’ve spoken to some people. I know the pain this has caused. Above all, those who loved our protagonist the most want answers. Someday, there will be answers. Eventually, the superior force will have to answer for those under his authority because he is fond of saying that it would not be profitable for you if they did not listen to him.
While we hear of places like this and read about them from time to time, rarely does this much chaos come out of one place for year upon year, about 15 years of it. I don’t say and write these things to ruin the superior forces’ reputation; he did that alone. I just said something about it.
In all the chaos and this mess, there is one place we can turn, and that is where I have no doubt our protagonist turned in his darkest hour. The Lord Jesus Christ is a merciful savior. He will bind up the wounds, and he will heal us. His grace is far greater than our deepest sins. In this, we can have the greatest hope. He conquered sin and death so that we may truly live.
Suicide is not the answer, but it is also not the unforgivable sin. I appreciated the words of the woman in this podcast, she describes it very well and the feelings of hopelessness, but all can be overcome by speaking with those that understand and those knowledgeable about these abuse patterns. If you ever feel helpless, please know we are here to help.
The word of the Lord came to me: 2 “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy, and say to them, even to the shepherds, Thus says the Lord God: Ah, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding yourselves! Should not shepherds feed the sheep? 3 You eat the fat, you clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fat ones, but you do not feed the sheep. 4 The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them (Ezekiel 34:1-4).
This article is a follow-up to my open letter to Ryan Peterson’s friends and family. In that letter, I desired to offer comfort and hope that Ryan’s life was properly and lovingly acknowledged. It is my deepest and most sincere desire to highlight the goodness in Ryan. The goodness that flowed to him through his relationship with his Lord Jesus Christ. Yes, I fully believe Ryan was a Christian, and as I said in my first article, that was not contingent upon his confession of sin or lack thereof but only on the work of Christ.
While I desire to be kind and gracious, what I heard from these funeral messages was grievous and unnecessary. It is the tone and tenor of which these grotesque examples of sermons were preached. It was as if they had no life experience with Ryan and didn’t believe him to be a saved man, although they didn’t dare to come right out and say it. What they did was hint around the topic and leave the audience wondering what egregious sin had taken over Ryan to cause him to end his life.
There was an agenda to this funeral service, and the only desire from those leading was to make their points with as much rigor and demand as they place on the lives of their congregants on a day-in and day-out basis. The Christian life was never designed to be under authoritarian rule. If you picked up anything from those sermons, I trust you saw the authoritarian and hostile environment GFC represents.
God has something to say about those who rule harshly, and the passage above was a firm rebuke to those shepherds of Israel who had a self-focused agenda. The passage needs little to no explanation. As for those who had to endure these sermons, I want to point out a few things about what the passage says: “The weak you have not strengthened (verse 4).” When you went to the funeral of Ryan Peterson, were you weak? Did you feel sick, injured, and lost? Was there a great loss to your soul?
Perhaps you thought you would hear good things about Ryan and his life that would strengthen or lift you, but it didn’t. It only felt condemning and harsh, “with force and harshness, you have ruled them.” What type of encouragement was this, and what was it designed to do, or who was it designed to serve?
Well, it certainly didn’t bring grace to the hearer. Despite Mike Reid mentioning he was a pastor at Grace Fellowship Church, grace was never mentioned again. Grace should have been the central focus; instead, it was sin.
The topic of sin is a popular one at GFC. It is THE topic. A great deal of time and energy is devoted to rooting out the sins of the congregation. This can be done through preaching, as you just experienced, personal interaction with the pastors, or via the admonishments of the other congregants.
It is a difficult society to reside in if you have sin, which we all do (1 John 1:8-9). These sermons were a looking glass into a society that has left countless people on the brink of hopelessness as they continue to muddle through another joyless day. You are only as good as your last interaction. They seem to forget that our worth is in Christ, not in behaviors and actions. Listening to Tyler preach, I wondered the point of bringing up Ryan’s sin and why this was so important.
I hate to refresh your memory on what he said, but this is warped and twisted thinking of a man who should seek to expound the glories of a Savior. Tyler said, “In the last four weeks, there have been hidden sins discovered that Ryan had kept from everyone for quite a long time.” “The weight of unconfessed, hidden sin will destroy anyone.” [1] (30:50).
Then he makes a disclaimer. “If anyone hears this and is shocked, and it makes them think differently about Ryan, it shouldn’t because the Bible says no one is good.”
I wish I could say I don’t understand what he is trying to say. The message here is loud and clear, having spent much time with these people. For the disclaimer’s sake, this is only my opinion, as is the rest of this article, but Ryan’s memory deserves better than this.
In modern parlance, Bolkema is deflecting away from the responsibility they, as “shepherds,” bear. It’s not anyone’s fault, but Ryan’s because of his sin. His sin killed him. He was hiding it, and it destroyed him. It leaves me so empty and hollow inside thinking that this is how they cast dispersion onto Ryan and relieve themselves of any role they may have played in Ryan’s frame of mind, of which nobody truly knows except for him and God.
Here is the problem for them. They have no category for any mental illness, mental collapse, breakdown, depression, or a short-term imbalance in the brain. In GFC theology, the only answer is sin. Studying the brain and the science involved in knowing the countless scenarios that can bring a person to such an end is not a simple, black-or-white solution (See Tony Miano’s post below). It is shameful they said that Ryan decided to abandon his family, but this puts the focus on him and draws it away from them.
As one pastor I spoke to said, “You don’t minister to the living by kicking the dead,” and that is an awful burden for all those who loved Ryan to have to bear. In medical terms, this is a case of malpractice and misconduct. It is a gross case of misdiagnosis. You would think that showing grace, mercy, and compassion to those left behind and an invitation to search out the God that sent His Son to die for sinners might offer a more compassionate approach. Still, you have Mike Reid preaching the message he has preached for fifteen years: sin, judgment, and condemnation.
Who preaches a message like this, at a funeral no less, without believing these people need to be clubbed over the head rather than shown that Christ is a loving God that offers forgiveness from sin and rest from a weary world? Can the message of salvation be preached without berating and belittling?
Why can’t they say that we know Ryan was struggling, but we saw evidence of faith in his life, and we have complete confidence that he’s with the Lord?
Why?
Because sin is so important to their theology, Forty-one (41) times, Reid says the word sin or a derivation of the word in his “sermon,” now, to be fair, about six (6) of those discuss Christ as not having been a sinner, but that is still thirty-five (35) times he is discussing sin. He also uses the word wrath fourteen (14) times, condemn or condemned nine (9) times, and judgment four (4) times. And keep in mind this was only a 15-minute sermon.
In contrast, he only mentions grace when he states he’s a pastor at Grace Fellowship Church. He uses the word mercy three (3) times (outside of the song they sing at the end), and forgiveness is only mentioned once. He uses the word love three times in the context of God’s love.
This imbalance could not be more obvious. If I went back through all the years of Reid’s preaching nothing has changed. The imbalance here is unbearable and the primary reason we left and so many others left through the years.
In his excellent work, The Whole Christ, Sinclair Ferguson writes, “In essence [legalism] it is any teaching that diminishes or distorts the generous love of God and the full freeness of his grace. It then distorts God’s graciousness revealed in his law and fails to see law set within its proper context in redemptive history as an expression of a gracious Father. This is the nature of legalism. Indeed we might say these are the natures of legalism.”[2]
In one sentence, Ferguson mentions grace three times. The gospel is good news, but one would be hard-pressed to walk away from those sermons, having received this as good news. For anyone who would listen, it isn’t easy to endure these men’s preaching, demeanor, and tone, which tragically hinders the good news.
Sinclair Ferguson highlights how important tone can be to preaching, “[T]he same reality was noted in the life and ministry of Robert Murray M’Cheyne. It was perhaps most movingly expressed in a letter that lay unopened on his desk on the day he died at the age of twenty-nine. A correspondent writing to thank him for a sermon he had preached commented that it was not merely what he had said but the manner in which he spoke that had made an indelible impression.”[3]
It is hard to miss the “tone” that emanates out of the mouths of Reid and Bolkema. It rarely, if ever, appeals to the conscience in a way that exudes love, care, and compassion, but its focus is the legal demands of the law and a heavy conviction of sin. That is not to say sin has no bearing on the life of one coming to Christ, but for the ministry of GFC, it is an ever-present formula presented to the congregation in a fire-hose manner.
Someday, I pray they will see the truth of what this place has done to people. They crush the spirit, wound the soul, and feed themselves rather than the people. I can only guess the food they enjoy is their quest for power and dominance. How can I make such a claim? It comes down to my experience, observations, and what the Scriptures teach us. Several key passages show us the evidence of false teaching. Listen to the words of these verses,
Jesus said, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits” (Matt 7:15—16).
False prophets are called wolves, and what do wolves do to sheep, but kill and eat them, and the fruits of their teaching evidence this. I’ve written consistently about the damage done and specifically highlighted testimonies of those damaged through the years.
Yet because of false brothers secretly brought in—who slipped in to spy out our freedom that we have in Christ Jesus, so that they might bring us back into slavery— (Gal 2:4).
False brothers will destroy Christian liberty and freedoms. External appearances will always judge you, and freedom and liberty will be destroyed.
But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction (2 Pet. 2:1).
The warnings are abundant, and these people will arise from within Christianity, as Paul also said in Acts 20:28. Again, he says these are wolves, and they will not spare the flock. When the flock is scattered, injured, wounded, and left uncared for, that is evidence of false prophets or wolves. Paul likely had Ezekiel 34 in mind as he said these words to the Ephesian elders.
The leadership of Grace Fellowship has a long and illustrious track record of this behavior. For those affected by this place, you are left to pick up the pieces, you will someday want answers, and I write as one willing to try and help answer them. Those calls, emails, or messages have, will, and do come. I have responded to many of them, and I pray someday, there will be answers that can help you cope with the damage that has been done.
It is not a healthy environment. It is not a place where you can take rest and comfort. It is rightly called a high-demand group for good reason. They will demand a lot from you, they will take a lot from you, and the only way NOT to be a victim is to speak out. I pray that anyone who reads this will understand my desire to expose such evil and call it what it is.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit (Romans 8:1-4).
Dear friends and family,
I want to offer my deepest condolences for your tragic loss. My wife and I ran into Ryan two summers ago. He was gracious and kind and exemplified a loving, Christian man; this is how I will always remember him. I spent several days listening to the sermons preached at Ryan’s funeral, and I write because I can only imagine feeling empty and unsatisfied at Ryan’s memorial service. It was more about you or an agenda than it was about Ryan. I write today to speak about the man I knew and hopefully offer comfort rather than condemnation.
You knew Ryan and the goodness and the work Christ had performed in him. The verses referenced above show us that no matter what we’ve done in this world, if Christ is our Savior, we are secure in him. Ryan’s salvation is not conditional upon his confession, or lack thereof, but on his relationship to Christ. In Christ, all sins are forgiven.
I’m sure you have so many unanswered questions. None of this makes sense, but the answer is never black or white. Countless scenarios and circumstances can bring a person to this decision, and we can never know the full extent of his pain.
Pastor Jim Henry writes this,
“We do not know what causes a person to resort to taking his own life. It can be burdens about which we had no knowledge or overwhelming tension, anxiety, failures, unresolved guilt, loneliness, or the relentless attack of our ancient adversary, Satan, whom the Bible calls our accuser. It can be a chemical imbalance that, for a period of time, causes reason to be replaced, mental control to be lost, and judgment and the stronger sense of pursuing life to be snapped.”[1]
Since losing touch with Ryan through our departure, I have no idea what he was going through. By all appearances, life was good to him. He had a good marriage, beautiful children, and every reason to live and fulfill his life’s dreams and goals.
What is the answer to comforting those who remain? We should speak of the man Ryan was, we should speak of the man who hoped to be, and we should speak of the man he was in Christ. Sin is not irrelevant to this situation, but it’s not the only thing either. The Scriptures speak frequently of those who have trials in their faith. Their faith is weak. Their faith is fragile. (Matt. 6:30, 8:26, 16:8, 17:20, Luke 22:32, to name a few).
Jim Henry, once again, says: “One thing we can do is not be judgmental. We must be compassionate and understanding. We should be sensitive to the cries for help that surface in our families, friends, and colleagues.”[2]
It is difficult to reconcile suicide with a Christian worldview, but you must know that suicide is not an unforgivable sin. God will not judge any of us on our last act. He judges only on the merits of Christ. If we are in Christ, then we are secure.
The writer of the Book of Hebrews was a Jewish convert, and while we don’t know his name, we know he understood the difference between the law and the gospel. Chapter 10, starting in verse 16, says,
16 “This is the covenant that I will make with them
after those days, declares the Lord:
I will put my laws on their hearts,
and write them on their minds,”
17 then he adds,
“I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.”
18 Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin (Hebrews 10:16-18).
I saw and experienced the changes in Ryan’s life, as you did. I saw him become a Christian man, and while there may have been sin in his life, he is secure in Christ because Christ remembers his lawless deeds no more. The passage hits even harder on the point in verses 19 to 23.
19 Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, 20 by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:19-23).
There is assurance of salvation through the blood of Jesus because it says he who promised IS faithful. Christ will not let go. We have no place to judge salvation based on sins, real or perceived.
Dr. Michael Horton was called to preach a funeral for his close friend, a pastor, who tragically took his own life. Dr. Horton says,
“So why didn’t this confidence keep our brother from ending his life? We cannot answer that question any better perhaps than Job’s friends could resolve the riddle of their friend’s suffering. But I can say this: Even if we are too weak to hang on to Christ, he is strong enough to hang on to us. Even though we may not be able to face tomorrow, Christ has already passed through death to the other side and has taken away death’s sting for us.”[3]
Dr. Horton goes on to say we cannot judge God, nor can we judge the one who took his own life. We are justified by faith in Christ; he accomplished what we could not.
“You see, being accepted before God is not a matter of what we have done or left undone, or we would all be lost. It is a matter of trusting in that which Christ has done, for he has finished the work of our redemption, he has paid the ransom for our sins and satisfied the just that our guilt required.” [4]
But what do we do as the living left here to try to make sense of all of this? I can’t begin to imagine the pain, the range of emotions, the highs and the lows. I do not doubt that some days, you wake up and have no idea how you can go on. That is okay; these are authentic human emotions that must flow.
To encourage the believers, the Apostle Paul writes, But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who have fallen asleep, that we may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14).
In his commentary on 1st Thessalonians, Matthew Henry writes,
Here is comfort for the relations and friends of those who die in the Lord. Grief for the death of friends is lawful; we may weep for our own loss, though it may be their gain. Christianity does not forbid, and grace does not do away, our natural affections. Yet we must not be excessive in our sorrows; this is too much like those who have no hope of a better life. Death is an unknown thing, and we know little about the state after death; yet the doctrines of the resurrection and the second coming of Christ, are a remedy against the fear of death of our Christian friends; and of these doctrines we have full assurance.
We have full assurance those in Christ are secure. We can take great comfort in Ryan’s assurance. No matter the circumstances surrounding his death, if he is in Christ, he is secure. Take comfort while you grieve the loss of this good man. Cling tightly to his memory and share these with his children as they grow. They will undoubtedly have many questions.
You can remember his warm smile and his firm embrace. You can remember how he would go out of his way to help anyone in need. You can remember all the great things about Ryan and how he treated those around him. He even treated those he wasn’t supposed to treat well with kindness and respect. You can remember that Ryan was a good man and that Ryan loved the Lord Jesus Christ. In all of these things you can have great comfort and rest.
Uncommon Faith 