A Contentious Woman

an old house 2


If a Virtuous Wife is a wife that is working with and for her husband as unto the Lord, then the opposite of that is most certainly a contentious woman. God created Eve as a helper suitable for Adam; a woman that would assist man in his endeavors to take dominion over the earth and subdue it.

This woman that God so graciously gave Adam was designed perfectly for him. She was intended to be compatible. And I can’t imagine what Adam thought when he first saw her. It was perfect. She was perfect. God’s design was perfect.

And then…of course, we know the story…

Sin entered the world and God put rivalry between man and woman, the woman became infected with the desire to rule over her husband. If you are married, then you know that this curse is still alive and well in mankind. We see the effects of it in the world. We see the role reversals more prominently all the time. Just flip on your television and watch a couple commercials. The “men” on these commercials are not biblical men. They are lap dogs. They are the product of a world gone wrong. The women have become the power brokers. They are the ones we are asked to look to for guidance, and decision making.

God made women beautiful, and He made them strong, but He also made them a weaker vessel. He made them like fine china, but yet with a different type of strength. Men you know what I mean, and only a fool, would not recognize the immense treasure of a godly wife, and the amazing gift she is to her husband.

Why the issues? Why is there contention? And more importantly how does a godly woman become a woman of virtue?

The Proverbs tell us much about the difficulty in living with this woman.

Better to dwell in a corner of a


Than in a house shared with a

contentious woman. – Proverbs 21:9



Better to dwell in the


Than with a contentious and

angry woman. – Proverbs 21:19

Do we notice that “angry” was added in verse 19? Not only is this woman contentious but she is also angry. She wants to strive against her husband, and she’s angry with him? Does she have just cause to be angry? Perhaps, but we must also identify the source of anger.

If she’s angry for any other reason than God’s glory, then she’s sinfully angry and more likely than not the anger is selfish. Oh, I know we can find reason to believe she’s angry for righteous reasons, but we must examine the motives, deeply and with a self focus, as opposed to a “him” focus. Side note: ladies, wives, I didn’t say he was perfect, and we’ll deal with him another day, but let’s keep it where it needs to be for now.

A continual dripping on a very

   rainy day

And a contentious woman are


Whoever restrains her

restrains the wind,

And grasps oil with his right

hand. – Proverbs 27:15-16

Look at the absurdity of trying to restrain a contentious woman. Is it impossible to restrain the wind, or hold oil in your hand? Have you known wives like this? Have you been a wife like this, or are you a wife like this?

What is the answer? This really is a dividing line between a woman that desires godliness and one that seeks her own way. The word of God is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart and no creature is hidden from His sight.

The wise woman builds her


But the foolish pulls it down

with her hands. – Proverbs 14:1

This tells a story, about what’s at the heart of the matter. Wisdom or foolishness…salvation or condemnation… I’m not saying this will look like sinless perfection, but in the heart of a wise woman, there will be progress in her Christian walk, and I’m writing today, to those that profess Christianity. I realize how foolish this will be for the unbelieving woman. You hold the power in your hands to help form your husband into a more godly man if he is a believer. You can build him up, or tear him down with your own hands. And if he is not a believer you can push him further away from your profession of Christianity, or drive him to it.

You might be fine china, but you have more power than you can even imagine, and if you are Christ’s you must use it for His glory, not for your own purposes. I realize many of you have made mistakes, and been a poor witness for the Lord, but there is hope. You must repent of your past sins, and seek Christ diligently, and He will rebuild your house, unless you labor in vain.



6 thoughts on “A Contentious Woman

  1. Hi Kevin,

    Well written post. An issue that’s becoming more prevalent in today’s society. Women are being programmed from their early years to be princesses, divas and conquerors…and God help the boy or man that gets in her way.

    Every wife has these tenancies, but with a strong and patient hand, a man can control her, and if they are both saved…WELL! That solves a whole mess of it.

    The future is scary for the man. My three boys are real boys, strong, aggressive and full or testosterone. My little girl is strong too, but we have to control her and not allow her to get carried away and surround her with girly stuff as if we let her go, she would push the boys around. It’s like there’s something in the air…it’s weird. Perhaps it’s environmental, perhaps it’s spiritual.

      1. Yeah, I guess so, but I sure don’t remember girls acting like that back when I was a kid. With media as it is these days with the constant programming and conditioning to be sexual, aggressive and take charge, it’s no wonder society is crumbling down around us.

  2. It is our sin nature. Women have the tendency to allow their feelings to override their witness, even (speaking for myself here) when we want to be a good witness, the flesh in the form of hurt feelings, etc. can so easily take over. Part of combating that I have found, and don’t get me wrong here, I am not saying “hey, I won the battle! I never have this problem to worry about again…what a great woman of God I am!” at all. Far, far from it…but part of combating that is in learning HOW to put off the old man and put on the new, in consciously remembering and applying “taking every thought captive to Christ”, and in deliberately choosing to have the feeling, tell the Lord about it (which gets our focus back on Him because we have gone to HIM) and then thinking about what He says in His word about not reviling and blessing instead of cursing, and also how when we respond quickly we are more than likely to respond in a sinful way. The real bottom line is Christ. Honoring Him. So however we can get there, biblically, not allowing ourselves to feel pressured to “say anything, but respond now!”, taking all of these things into account and many others as well, really helps put this sin in it’s proper light and that in turn helps to form a habit of NOT continuing in that sin. It takes time, thought, effort and a love for Jesus, and I can say for myself that I have only just begun to deliberately form that habit, but it can be done because God calls us to do it. He gives us His Holy Spirit, but we have to do something as well. He does not do it for us. It only can happen when it is Him plus our choice to do it, disregarding the cost to pride (there’s the tough thing right there!), and then actually DOING it. Under our own strength, impossible. If it were up to just me having to do it all by myself, I couldn’t begin to do a thing differently. But with HIM, while not instant, completely doable. Do it enough, you have a new way of living, and Him to thank for it. It is exactly what I have been thinking about and working on with the Lord in the past few months. Working toward consistency. 🙂

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