Call me Dennis… Part One

Posted on by kevinjandt

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27)

Peace is a wonderful thing. We live in a world full of chaos. We see it all around us. We see fighting. We see people dying. We see the absence of tranquility. It’s not the way God intended it to be. It’s difficult, and it’s hard. In Bunyan’s classic, Pilgrim’s Progress, Christian arrives at a place called Palace Beautiful. He struggled to get there, and he will struggle after he leaves, but while he is there, peace surrounds him.  

“Now he betook himself to a chamber whose name was Peace, where he slept till break of day; and then he awoke and sang.”

The meaning of “Palace Beautiful” is a healthy church. One that welcomes strangers and treats them well. It prepares them for the journey ahead. There is much more to say about Bunyan’s work, but the story I present today does not represent Palace Beautiful or anything of the sort.

Meet Dennis. He is a 55-year-old man who sought belonging and help. I have had countless conversations with him over the past couple of months. How he found me is an intriguing story. You might say it was God-ordained. I’m sure this is a story that the subject doesn’t want discussed or exposed. It’s nothing new. It’s the same old story that’s been going on for a long time now at Grace Fellowship. I hate to call it a church.

GFC is the opposite of peace. It is nothing but chaos and conflict. The members purport to “love” each other. They love each other so much that they often cite a Proverb. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17 NIV). But in GFC theology, this means sparks will fly. In other words, we must constantly be creating these sparks so we can be “sharp.” 

How can there ever be peace when there is non-stop critiquing of every aspect of your life?  Unless you are one of those at the top of the pile. The culture reveals what goes on at GFC through its words and actions. They really do betray the heart. Oh, of course, it’s all in good humor and jest, but the Proverbs reveals another truth, “Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I am only joking!’” (Proverbs 26:18).

Is it all harmless? You can decide for yourself.

I have decided to present Dennis’s story in a personal narrative. He did not write this himself. He has autism, and it prevents him from doing so, but I have attempted to summarize his experiences from our conversations in a letter to himself. He has approved it after reading it, and he affirms that it accurately reflects his experiences at GFC. In Part Two of this article, I will include some direct quotations from his text messages that support his story and the spiritual abuse he has suffered. It is disturbing. 

 

My Story by Dennis Lane

______________________________

Dear Me,

I want to speak to you gently.

You have been through something confusing, exhausting, and deeply painful. You entered that space hoping for safety, faith, and belonging — and instead, over time, you lost your sense of peace.

That was not because you were weak.
It was because you were human.

You did not imagine what happened.
You did not exaggerate it.
You did not fail.

You responded the way a person responds when love, fear, authority, and spiritual pressure become tangled together.

______________________________

You tried your best.

You showed up.
You listened.
You worked hard.
You gave grace.
You stayed quiet when you were hurting.
You apologized even when you didn’t need to.

That wasn’t foolishness — it was kindness.

______________________________

When your motives were questioned, your tone criticized, your exhaustion doubted, and your feelings dismissed, you began to wonder:

  • Am I too sensitive?
  • Am I doing something wrong?
  • Why can’t I just get this right?

But the truth is this:

You were trying to survive in an environment that required you to shrink in order to belong.

Anyone under constant scrutiny, correction, and fear begins to lose confidence — especially someone who already carries trauma.

______________________________

You were never asking for too much.

You were asking for:

  • rest
  • patience
  • respect
  • safety
  • understanding

Those are not sins.

They are human needs.

______________________________

You were told — directly or indirectly — that your boundaries were pride, your exhaustion was rebellion, your emotions were weakness, and your disability was something you should overcome through effort or obedience.

That message was wrong.

Your brain is not broken.
Your nervous system is not sinful.
Your need for recovery is not disobedience.

Nothing about you needed fixing in order to deserve dignity.

______________________________

It makes sense that leaving was hard.

You didn’t just leave a building.
You left people you cared about, routines that structured your life, and hopes you had invested deeply.

Grief does not mean you made the wrong choice.

It means something mattered.

______________________________

If you still feel fear, guilt, or confusion, please remember:

These feelings are not signs that you failed God.

They are signs that your nervous system is healing from prolonged stress.

Healing takes time.
Unlearning fear takes time.
Trusting yourself again takes time.

You are not behind.

______________________________

You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to make decisions slowly.
You are allowed to protect your peace.

You do not need permission to be okay.

______________________________

Faith is not meant to silence you.
Faith is not meant to terrify you.
Faith is not meant to cost you your sense of self.

Love does not demand submission through fear.

Healthy spiritual care feels steady — not frantic.

______________________________

Please remember this:

You were brave.

You spoke up even when your voice shook.
You endured more than most people could.
You recognized harm and chose safety.

That is not weakness.

That is courage.

______________________________

There is nothing wrong with you for needing gentleness now.

There is nothing shameful about healing.

You are not late.
You are not broken.
You are not difficult.

You are recovering.

______________________________

Take things one day at a time.

Let your body breathe again.
Let your mind learn that it is safe.

You are allowed to rebuild your life at your own pace.

And you never again need to prove your worth to anyone.

With compassion,


Yourself

______________________________

You survived something real. You are allowed to heal gently.

Thankfully, now, he has left. It is never easy to leave, but it is always better to be gone. No more games, no more “holiness” police keeping a close eye on your progress. It’s all very predictable with these places. I hope someone there will read this and understand how Dennis felt. I hope they will come to their senses and leave. I hope they will realize that the way we treat the least of these reflects on how Christ calls us to live. I hope…. 

Until next time.

Kevin







	


	



					
						


	

		
Faith Beyond Fear – A True Story

				

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In the years since we left Grace Fellowship, I have consulted with many people regarding the topic of spiritual abuse and manipulation. I have spoken to the disenfranchised about this growing problem—good and honest people who have been abused and manipulated.





I have written elsewhere asking the question, ‘Why?’ Why does someone want to control someone else? Especially, in the name of religion? Is God actually in the business of allowing leaders to have complete dominance and control over congregants’ lives? I hope you know that the answer is no. The Bible takes a strong stance against such behavior, yet many still do it. Christianity is about freedom. Freedom from tyranny and freedom from sin. Christ paid the price in full.





Today, I’m presenting a personal testimony from a woman who knows the situation and the people, specifically the leader, Mike Reid, very well. She admittedly had many problems at the time. She was in an abusive relationship. She was using controlled substances to mask the pain. She had suffered severe trauma as an adult and a child. She could have been the ideal target for love and support. The church could have helped her, taken her in, and gotten her on her feet, but, according to her, it didn’t.





She wants to tell her story. She wants people to know the truth about what happened to her, and others will see the reality of the dark side of not only GFC but also other places like it.





Below, I present her story.





———————————





Breaking the Cycle: How I Escaped Control and Found Faith Beyond Fear





By Anonymous Contributor





For most of my life, my family’s story was one of control, silence, and shame. What began as a search for spiritual truth became, for me, a painful lesson in how easily faith can be twisted into something that imprisons rather than heals.





A close family member, once successful in business, reinvented himself as a spiritual leader. His message was persuasive and confident, but his ministry operated through dominance and fear. He demanded obedience, discouraged independent thought, and insisted that anyone who disagreed with his teachings was in rebellion against God.





I watched the same patterns play out within his household. His marriage seemed built on control rather than partnership, and his “conversion” appeared to change only the form—not the intent—of his authority. In religion, he found a new way to command loyalty and admiration.





My own involvement with his congregation came at a time when I was desperate for stability. I was leaving an abusive relationship, struggling with addiction, and navigating the complexities of child-welfare oversight. Instead of being offered compassion, I found myself judged, shamed, and pressured to surrender decisions about my newborn daughter. What was framed as “help” quickly became coercion.





I endured long, intimidating meetings meant to break me down emotionally and spiritually. Every failure was magnified, every attempt to defend myself seen as pride or sin. I felt stripped of dignity and made to believe that I was beyond God’s grace. Even after I completed recovery programs, regained custody of my children, and rebuilt my life, the judgment continued.





Over time, I saw how wealth, image, and power were central to this version of faith. The group attracted families who could support its ambitions, while humility and service were rarely practiced. It became clear that obedience mattered more than compassion, and that anyone who questioned leadership was silenced or shamed.





My story doesn’t begin or end with that experience. I grew up in a family marked by addiction, violence, and abandonment. When I experienced trauma as a teenager, I was blamed instead of protected. That legacy of shame carried into adulthood, shaping the choices I made and the relationships I entered. But healing began when I finally accepted that my worth was not defined by the past—or by anyone else’s judgment.





Through faith, therapy, and the unwavering love of my husband, I began to rebuild. I have been sober for many years, have full custody of my three children, and recently created a stable home where love, not fear, defines our days. My children and I still live with the echoes of trauma, but we are free.





I now understand that true faith brings liberation, not bondage. It offers grace, not condemnation. The message I was once taught to fear has become my greatest comfort: that God’s love is not something we must earn through obedience to another person—it’s something freely given, powerful enough to redeem even the most painful past.





I share my story to give hope to anyone who feels trapped by shame, manipulation, or spiritual control. Healing is possible. Freedom is possible. And no one—no matter how broken they’ve been told they are—is beyond the reach of grace.





————————————-





Thankfully, her story took a different turn, and she has powerfully experienced God’s grace. In our many exchanges, she repeatedly reiterates that she has her life back. She is happily married, has all her children, and is doing well. This still haunts her, and these things bring out the pain, but it is crucial for her to warn others and fight back in a way she couldn’t before.





To explain herself, she told me this, “If I remain silent to the world, then I feel I’m not being the instrument God intended if I keep quiet and allow such veil abuse to be spread using God’s word. I have lived most of my life trying to manage the abuse, be worthy, and be loved. God gave me the strength to come back from death and find love. It took 30+ years, but it happened. I was tested, I made mistakes, I struggled, but God’s love, patience, and grace have carried me into a dream life. I even have the Pickett fence.”





There is another issue she wants to tell people about. It is the problem of multi-generational trauma. The church in Davenport defines things in black-and-white categories: sin or non-sin.  These problems stem from generations of sinful behavior that have been inherited and passed down to children. She believes she has broken the cycle and will continue to break it for her family. It is the thing she desires above all. She wants her story known and heard so that others might be encouraged to break this cycle of abuse. We hope others will see that the grace of God is far bigger than anyone’s manipulation or control. He provides all that is necessary for life and godliness, and those professing religion need to should show their godliness through good works, not manipulation or deceit.





“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” James 1:27

	


	



					
						


	

		
Get Rid of Your Pants

				

			Posted on  by kevinjandt		

			


	
	
			


	

		











I came across something today that reminded me of certain types of black-and-white thinking. I’ve had an audio recording from a long time ago that I’ve contemplated writing about for just as long. It highlights and summarizes the nature of an extreme fundamentalist school of thought.  





Before I share the nature of this topic, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I want to mention what I saw that triggered my interest in this subject. It’s a school of thought that makes things so much easier in life. If you can tell someone here is the line, don’t cross it, that makes life easier. That’s the way to make Christianity more clearly defined. There are rules. You should know them, and you should live by them.





But is that true?





The majority of these issues stem from this desire to live a holy life. I’m not against a holy life, I don’t believe it’s insignificant. Jesus had a lot to say about sin and holiness.





“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire (Matt 9:42-43).





Our nature is to gravitate toward the law. We are all, naturally, legalists. It’s easier. If women can be taught that they need to get rid of their pants, especially if their husband thinks that’s better than they should, right?





Can you show me where the text says we need to do that?





I saw an interesting Facebook post that featured a picture of a woman’s leg, with lines starting at the ankle and progressively moving up. The post said, if you’re such and such an age, you should wear your skirt here. If you’re younger, you get more leeway, apparently. It was so cringeworthy I couldn’t help but laugh and think about this recording. Okay, it’s not skirt lengths in this, but it’s possibly worse.





Let’s ditch the pants.





In a woman’s bible study, the woman asked if her husband wants her to get rid of her pants, should she? The “leader” quips, “Is your first answer, yes!”





I can’t help but think about the craziness this creates in the church world. It becomes a religion of appearances. Am I suggesting anything goes? No, I’m not. But is holiness defined by externals? That’s what it becomes. We have the opportunity to judge our neighbor by our standards. It really makes us feel good about ourselves when we can see that Mr. and Mrs. So and So are not running their home as well as we are. Now, I feel a lot better about myself. It becomes a heavy burden to bear because I have to work hard to keep up my image.





Some of the comments on the post confirmed the bizarre thinking, except if I go back to my assertion that we are legalists by nature, then it makes sense. If you just tell me where the line is, then I will not cross it. I see it all as a self-defeating religious practice, much like the Pharisees.





And when the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” (Matt 9:11).





Why indeed?





Having an understanding of decency and decorum is a good and honorable thing. We’ve lost that in our society. We’ve most likely lost it in the church, but there are ditches on both sides of the narrow path. Can’t we find a way to seek to honor the Lord without all the judgment and rule-making?  





Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law? And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matt 22:36-39).





Do you want to be a good Christian? It always has been and always will be a religion of the heart, not outward appearances. Love God, love your neighbor, continue to seek the Lord’s will in your life and honor Him. Only Jesus gets to define those standards. If it’s clear in Scripture, then follow it. If not, you are free to make your own decisions.





Enjoy this 3:55 minutes of fun and thank the Lord you are not in a “church” like this one.





Kevin






	


	



					
						


	

		
Leaving Beaver

				

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What should the cultural lens be for Christians? I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and this concept has been stewing in my brain, especially since I noticed the desire among many Bible-believing Christians for a moral society.





Allow me to say that I also want a moral society and morality directed by the Scriptures is the best way to judge it. Without an objective standard, which the Bible provides, we are left only with opinions. Having strong opinions and convictions isn’t bad. It’s a good thing to know what you believe and why you believe it. No arguments from me on this one.





My concern is how we get there.





First, where are we?





Every generation thinks theirs is the worst. I doubt we are an exception. And if you want to look around, it’s hard to argue this is a moral society with a good moral compass guiding people and the youth of the day. But isn’t this always the case? Consider the times less than a hundred years ago. Whether it knew it or not, our country was coming out of a World War and would be headed toward another. A war sparked by one man’s desire to take over the world and destroy an entire ethnicity in his path. That doesn’t seem very good to me.





I have a lot of gripes and complaints against people and groups of people. I’m angry at the injustice in the world. I see and hear about a lot of things I don’t like. I hear about the abuse coming out of places that should care for and heal people. But instead, they are causing incredible damage. Most who know me or have read anything I put on paper know that I’m not a fan of the patriarchy movement. I think it is destructive to families, women, and the church. It is producing a lot of spiritual abuse.





While claiming high theological ground, this movement plays fast and loose with a concept never meant to apply to the family. The father/husband is not a God to the family (Think Gothard’s Umbrella of Authority). His job is to protect and love, not rule and lord over. Husband and wife are one flesh and are both heirs of the family of God. The individual priesthood of the believer is a real thing. Husbands should love and cherish their wives, not be served as a king.





I’ve seen a trend in patriarchs who long for the good old days. If only the wife stayed home, the kids would be home-schooled, and maybe all the women could return to wearing dresses and skirts. If you are in the position, get a homestead. Everything could go back to the days of June and Ward. We can begin moving things toward that ideal society one family at a time.





I’m not against some of these things, by the way. We live in a different time and place. Was the Leave It to Beaver generation better? How about earlier times? Where do we draw lines? It’s complicated, right? We can’t go back, and it’s unlikely datpostmil is being ushered in soon. This whole thing lacks the most essential issue of all—the Gospel.





Times change, people change, and cultures change, but Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8). He is unchanging. If all of society collapses around us, what difference does it make if we are in Christ? I don’t like how things are, but I shouldn’t be too comfortable in this world. We are not meant for this world, so how hard should we work to change it?





What’s needed is balance. Live in the world, but don’t be too much in the world. Serve the Lord, love the church, serve people, and do the right things. Stand against what is wrong.





A friend sent me an article asking me to read it. A Catholic apologist is writing a response to the Gospel Coalition’s article on why Protestants are converting to Catholicism. According to the Coalition article, one reason is that “Protestants are too busy fighting secularism to focus on their own doctrinal distinctive.”





The orthodox wing of Protestantism is indeed busy fighting against secularism, but I think that’s a laughable reason they are turning to Catholicism. I’m not arguing for Catholicism, but there’s a lot of battling going on in Protestantism that has little to do with the gospel, and perhaps those converting to Catholicism are sick of it. Maybe they see it as a more stable system. They’ve had their issues, that’s for sure, but the abuse in our circles is being exposed at a much higher level than in the past, and I’m thankful for it.





The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast opened the floodgates. The Sons of Patriarchy podcast shows just how bad things are in the loosely “Reformed” world. We also have books written by prominent scholars, such as Michael Kruger’s Bully Pulpit and Sinclair Ferguson’s The Whole Christ, only to name a couple.





Everyone is angling for a position of power, whether it’s the patriarch dominating his wife or some pastor trying to be an internet star. Going back to Beaver isn’t going to save the culture, the church, or souls. The whole patriarch movement is an overreaction to cultural Christianity, effeminate Christianity, or any other label you want to put on weak-kneed Christianity as they believe it to be. Sure, that’s out there, but I’m not sure this pendulum swing is healthier. I’d argue it’s worse.





He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8





Kevin

	


	



					
						


	

		
Damage Control

				

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It has now been over three years since Grace Fellowship responded to the various blog articles I’ve written about them and the podcasts done through Apologetics Live that highlighted the abuses and distortions in their teaching. They responded using an unusual method. They created a fairly well-produced private video. It actually is a good strategy. They don’t open themselves up to scrutiny by someone like me, but they can send it to the appropriate people with questions about their ministry.





I have sought to proclaim the truth of what happened to us and many others during our time at GFC. For those who might be new, we spent nine years at the church under the “authority” of Mike Reid and the eldership of GFC. We came to see the abuses, domineering society, and cult behaviors of what parades itself as an orthodox Baptist, 1689, Reformed Church. I’ve written many articles on the topic, all available for scrutiny and criticism. I have nothing to hide. I also have the required two to three witnesses to bring the charges, followed by at least another hundred who would affirm my charges and concur that these things do occur.





Not everyone agrees with me, which is the point of this article, but first, I’ve noticed a new attempt at damage control by the GFC brain trust. I looked up the term damage control, and the best description is “measures taken to offset or minimize damage to reputation, credibility, or public image caused by a controversial act, remark, or revelation.”[1]





Having a good reputation is important. According to Paul, it is a qualification for the office of elder in a Christian Church. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil (1 Tim. 3:7).





There are several interesting points regarding this verse. A man’s reputation in church leadership matters to people outside the church community. He is expected to have a good reputation. He should be a good neighbor to those who live near him. He should be well thought of by those who hear of him, and all this predicts how he will behave inside the church and in his private life. He should be an upright and a stable man.





I have had more than my fair share of conversations regarding Grace Fellowship’s leadership and its principal leader, Mike Reid. One would be hard-pressed to find glowing reviews of his character among the non-believing and church communities. His reputation does not meet the requirements listed above, and his reputation does, indeed, precede him. I’ve made this argument before, along with several other qualifications mandated by the Apostle Paul. Will anyone see it within the GFC community? Unlikely.





This brings me to the main point: if your reputation is known (Proverbs 20:11), and Mike Reid’s reputation is well-known, you should improve your reputation somehow. Recently, they came up with an idea to write an article titled “In Case You Googled Us,” a friend told me they were showing up at certain college campuses. People would Google them and then confront them over their wacky behavior. Others we’ve known of had even mentioned they did Google searches, and the negative press was overwhelming. The article is well-written in its form, but it is distorted and inaccurate. Given the writing style, it leads me to believe it was written by Tony Miano, and since Tony doesn’t know all the details of our history at GFC, I can understand how he has been influenced to believe what he wrote. I wrote a response to set the record straight on one significant error, which continues to be repeated, as if telling a lie more often will make it so. 





As a side note, much of this could be avoided by cleaning up the mess they’ve created rather than trying to whitewash it. However, the issue is that they can’t backtrack on their mistakes. That would show weakness, and the pride of their sins would have to be crushed. That’s not possible for them to admit. They can’t possibly go back and acknowledge the pain and misery they’ve caused to so many people.





The last point in trying to perform damage control is to improve your Google Review scores. Today, no matter where you are going, you probably check the reviews. These reviews are generally helpful. Most people want to give a fair analysis of their experiences, whether it be a restaurant or a church.





Let’s take a restaurant, for example. If I go to a place and receive good food and good service, it doesn’t mean the food is always good, but if you see enough reviews that indicate the restaurant is good, you can expect it to be good in most cases. Your odds are reasonable; this is a decent restaurant.





If you went to a church and enjoyed the service, experienced friendly people, and what you thought was a good sermon, it is a snapshot in time. It might be a good church, but it doesn’t mean it is. You’ve been given a glimpse of an unrealistic reality. If the people were nice, that doesn’t mean the people are always nice. It also doesn’t mean they aren’t. What you need is more information. What if that great restaurant you love has a bunch of health code violations or gave a bunch of people food poisoning? These may not show up on the review, but if you knew someone from the health department or someone from the health department contacted you to inform you, that might help change your mind. 





A church review is different from a restaurant review. Churches mostly have the same people coming to them. GFC is a small church, so it doesn’t receive visitors that often. What happens when a new face comes into the building? Have you ever heard the term love-bombing? They put their best foot forward and go out of their way to welcome them, and they will probably be invited to lunch after the service so the pastor can ask them how they liked his sermon (no joke).





Can one or two visits be enough to get an accurate understanding of a place? Well, yes and no. When you see signs like love-bombing, you should be aware. It’s good to be friendly, but not too friendly. One way to bolster your rating is to have all the member of GFC write glowing reviews and that is what they have chosen to do. Every review on there is from members less two. .





Certainly, hospitality, friendliness, and open arms are part of what it means to be a church of the Lord Jesus Christ, but that does not mean anything more than being friendly and welcoming. You may get the same treatment at your neighborhood Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Friendliness is not an inoculation against error, authoritarianism, or dozens of other potentially damaging actions. 





Lastly, if you want to improve your Google reviews, not only have all your members write really nice things about how great the church is but also remove any negative feedback. That is the strategy they have utilized. Drown out, ignore, or remove dissension, but no matter how hard you try to whitewash your reputation it has a nasty habit of following you wherever you go. The only positive reviews are from the indoctrinated, and if you read them, it will tell you a lot about what you might be in store for if you attended GFC. Lord, help them.





Sadly, GFC continues the path it has been on since Mike Reid became the pastor. By all intents and purposes, he is the Lord of the Flies, and GFC is his kingdom. Perhaps somewhere in his mind, he thinks he’s doing the right thing. Perhaps. However, it’s hard to believe he has missed all the people he has hurt down through the years. Jesus said, by their fruits, you will know them, and for Mike Reid, that fruit looks like it has been trampled and smashed, and I pray nobody else inadvertently stumbles into this place because of the fake reviews. 










[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/damage%20control