“While most pastors are gentle, kind, and patient, others have a proverbial knee on the neck of their sheep. They’ve been doing it for years with little or no consequences. And despite the pleas of the people, other pastors and elders sometimes stand by and let it happen. They may even defend the bully pastor. In sum, the problem is not just the abuse. It’s the larger context that allows it to continue unchallenged.” [1]
As I seek to close out this series on Dennis and the treatment he received at Grace Fellowship (GFC), I believe it is important to highlight a couple of different issues. The primary issue is how he was treated. Christianity should be known for treating people well. Dennis was treated well in some respects. You will see some references to this below, but does that excuse the other behaviors?
Secondly, and more importantly, why does this behavior continue? Why don’t those in the church call to task the leaders when they behave badly? The quote above makes that clear. The pastor and the system are defended at all costs. This “allows it to continue unchallenged.” It’s not just the congregation. It’s also the other leaders. Who is willing to speak out?
One of the things I’ve come to love and appreciate about Dennis is his willingness to say it how it is. He isn’t afraid to speak his mind. He’s honest. When he first approached me it didn’t take him long to say that he wanted to expose this behavior. I’m glad he did, so one of the things he has boldly done is send the article out to those at the church. That has been met with some resistance. If the collective is harmed, they all swarm.
Below are two conversations that occurred with Dennis. The first is a leader. The second is an older woman in the church. I provide commentary after the conversations.
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Leader:
“Why are you sending me this?”
Dennis:
“Because you love me and care about me, this is my perspective on just a few occasions in a matter of just a few months in Grace Fellowship. So, I’m just sharing, so you have my take on my experiences.”
Leader:
“Kevin is a liar and a slanderer of the brethren. You need to repent of your participation with him.”
Dennis:
“Soon, I believe you will be calling me a liar and slanderer. Just for bringing truth from actual events and actual comments from people from GFC. But at least I tried. Take care….”
Leader:
“There also was no mention of So and So, and So and So (Referring to the family that housed Dennis).”
“I notice that there was no mention of receiving free housing at So and So, and So and So’s for how many months? No mention of free food. No mention of being provided with employment.”
Dennis:
“You haven’t studied cults much, have you? It starts with love bombing.”
Leader:
“LOL. You are using Kevin’s talking points. You were extremely well treated. Goodbye, Dennis.”
Dennis:
“It always starts with kindness. Love bombing. You think me ignorant, I do have disabilities, but completely ignorant has never been one of them. Zero common sense isn’t one of them. I studied cults for years; it’s just this one side-tracked me. It’s a bit different. The night Pastor Mike yelled at me about 5 to 6 times, ‘shut up.’ Even leaned in on me. And then So and So started yelling at me. Then I was asked what happens when iron sharpens Iron? I knew the ignorant statement that does not even pertain to the context of that verse. I said Sparks?’ He said, ” Yep. He as, in So and So, I was being treated as if every word that came out of my mouth was incorrect. I started thinking I’m so stupid, then I was told I’m not stupid, then I was treated as if I was, over and over.”
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This conversation continues to expose and highlight the abuse dynamic that is consistent at Grace Fellowship. You see it coming out of one of the leaders’ mouths. Where is empathy? If Dennis was treated so well, why did that stop when he left and exposed what had happened to him? Does this leader want the truth or to protect the organization?
Dennis is completely dismissed, and he certainly isn’t intelligent enough to figure this out on his own.
“I notice there was no mention of receiving free housing…”
“No mention of free food… employment.”
Was there kindness involved at GFC?
Yes. Does that mean we tolerate abuse? No, absolutely not, and by reframing this as justification or evidence, that abuse could never have occurred is more evidence of abuse. It says, “We can do whatever we want since we were nice to you.”
This interaction shows the issue is not one of disagreement. It is the inability of leadership to tolerate perspectives outside its control.
The most troubling thing about this conversation from a “leader” in the church is the speed at which he dismisses anything Dennis says. It’s as if he is now dead because he dared speak out and criticize them. Wouldn’t this leader want to ask if Mike Reid called Dennis retarded, or called him Water Boy? The leadership claims they hold each other accountable. Why not now? Did this guy lose his backbone, or did he ever have one? Something like this should NEVER be tolerated. But here we are, and it is, and now it’s brushed off as if this guy doesn’t even matter because he left. And worse yet, he’s a traitor because he has exposed these deep secrets. I wonder if they find it as disturbing as they find his departure disturbing?
I will share one more brief conversation that occurred between Dennis and an older woman in the congregation. She has been there a long time, and we knew her well. She has had a front-row seat to the actions, yet she chooses to dismiss these behaviors and defend the leadership.
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Older woman:
“You are part of attacking the bride of Christ. Unless you don’t believe the pastors and members are Christians. Who served you and loved you well.”
Dennis:
“Hi, do you remember asking me if Mike was still calling me names? If he does, you’re sorry he does that. Things that actually happen, you know, are wrong that happened to me. It’s in the article I’m guessing you didn’t even read.”
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We’ve seen this same pattern in the other conversations. “We did all this good to you, and now you are not only attacking us, but the bride of Christ.” How should someone respond to that? They can’t. It shuts down the possibility of finding out the truth.
She creates a false dichotomy.
She, like most members and attenders, is not willing to objectively examine the facts. They have set up the leadership structure as demi-gods who can’t be touched. It is a harmful, closed society that won’t tolerate dissent.
This exchange shows how spiritual abuse is sustained communally, not just by pastors.
When members internalize the idea that protecting leaders equals protecting Christ, abuse becomes untouchable.
The result is isolation for survivors and moral cover for harm.
I want to end this with some heartbreaking things that Dennis told me. He thought he had found a place to belong and to serve Christ. He was wrong.
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Dennis:
“I thought I finally was accepted. I felt like I finally found my place. Found love.”
“Bam with a brick right to my face. They’re yelling at me.”
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A narcissistic leader will always betray himself through his actions and his words. He can’t help himself. We have, at Grace Fellowship, a high-control, legalistic, self-serving cult masquerading as a church. They use theological language. They proclaim Christian Doctrine, but in the end, their actions don’t match their profession. God has also given us a way to deal with this, expose evil. Call it what it is, we have the required two or three or hundreds of witnesses who have experienced the same or similar behavior and abuse from Grace Fellowship.
When will it end?
It will end when the Lord opens the eyes of the people there and calls them to stand against the tyrannical leadership structure. They can choose to leave or demand change. But we know change will not happen until these leaders repent of their abusive behavior. We won’t hold our breath.
I would like to issue a challenge to those who are still at GFC. Do you think it’s appropriate for a Christian to call someone retarded? Or a moron? Or Water Boy? Or Rain Man? Have you asked Mike Reid if this is appropriate, or was he allowing unwholesome talk to come out of his mouth?
Have you practiced Matthew 18 with Mike Reid? Have you called him to repent? Have you or Mike contacted Dennis to apologize and seek his forgiveness? I already know the answer. I know you haven’t, and I know you will brush this under the rug and move on as if he is your holy leader and can do no wrong. You should be ashamed, but sadly, you are not.
As for Dennis, he is doing well. He has a place to live and a community of friends. I pray he finds that love and acceptance he desired at GFC, but will find it without strings attached, and especially without the indoctrination and abuse. I pray the Lord will rejuvenate him and restore the joy of his salvation.
Lord, help Dennis; Lord, open the eyes of your people to see the beauty in Christ alone; and Lord, we plead with you to stop Grace Fellowship from hurting more people.
With continued amazement and disgust.
Kevin Jandt
[1] Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 2022,) xviii
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