Call Me Dennis… Part Two

Posted on by kevinjandt

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matt. 12:36,37)

Grace Fellowship (Church) is well known for being spiritually abusive. There are countless stories and evidence of this, provided by scores of witnesses. Dennis is one more in a long line of them. Below, I present supporting evidence of the abuse Dennis received. It is my hope and desire that those who are still at the church will read this, be as disgusted as I am, and actually do something about it. LEAVE! 

The direct quotes from leadership that I obtained through Dennis’s messages are revealing. They show that the pattern described below is real. It’s not just a random occurrence. Patterns of “joking” are not unusual at this place. Words can be destructive, hurtful, and damaging, and that is what this pattern shows.

Above all, it’s biblical to expose evil deeds. And that is what I seek to prove. Over several months, Dennis describes repeated emotional harm, coercive control, humiliation, spiritual manipulation, and psychological distress connected to the church’s leaders.

I hope you find these abuses as shocking as I do. Each is taken from a long series of messages I had with Dennis for almost two months. I have organized them in different categories and summarized the behaviors in an easy-to-follow format.

1. Abusive and Degrading Behaviors

Dennis repeatedly reports being called:

  • “Retard”
  • “Moron”
  • “Water boy”
  • “Rain Man”

These terms were used:

  • Publicly and privately
  • By leadership figures
  • In group settings where others laughed

When Dennis attempted to explain that these words were traumatic due to lifelong bullying and abuse, his concerns were dismissed or mocked.

Bullying Disguised as Humor or “Toughening Up”

  • Leaders and members laughed when Dennis joined in self-degrading jokes to cope.
  • He was told bullying “doesn’t exist.”
  • Hurtful behavior was reframed as:
    • “Iron sharpens iron”
    • “That’s how men talk”
    • “You’re being feminine for being hurt”

This normalized humiliation as spiritual growth.

2. Patterns of Coercive Control

Excessive Monitoring of Personal Life

Leadership repeatedly:

  • Questioned where Dennis was if he missed church or events
  • Demanded explanations for absences
  • Contacted him persistently by text and phone
  • Pressured him to answer calls immediately—even at work or late at night

Missing a single meeting triggered interrogation and accusations of sin or pride.

Control Over Time and Behavior

Dennis was expected to attend:

  • Sunday services (often twice)
  • Wednesday services
  • Morning Bible studies
  • Men’s groups and extra gatherings

Declining even one event resulted in:

  • Guilt
  • Accusations of avoidance
  • Pressure to “repent”
  • Claims that the relationship was “shallow” if he did not comply

Attempts to Control Speech and Online Activity

  • Dennis was pressured to post only ESV Bible verses on Facebook.
  • Repeatedly told “I prefer you use ESV,” despite Dennis offering compromise.
  • Leadership insisted on authority over his personal social media.

Disagreement was treated as rebellion.

3. Spiritual Manipulation and Gaslighting

Misuse of Scripture

Bible verses were repeatedly used to:

  • Demand submission
  • Accuse Dennis of pride
  • Threaten church discipline
  • Frame disagreement as sin

Matthew 18 and Hebrews 10:25 were cited to enforce compliance rather than restoration.

Projection and Gaslighting

Leadership frequently:

  • Accused Dennis of being controlling while exerting control themselves
  • Claimed “no one is pressuring you” while relentlessly pressuring him
  • Denied past statements or deleted texts
  • Reframed Dennis’s distress as immaturity or sin

Dennis was told:

  • He was “not a victim”
  • His reactions were prideful
  • His autism should not affect behavior
  • Emotional pain was irrelevant

4. Exploitation of Vulnerability

Dennis was particularly vulnerable due to:

  • Autism and PTSD
  • Past lifelong bullying
  • Seizure disorder
  • Financial instability
  • Dependence on church help for paperwork, housing, and income access

Leadership:

  • Assisted him financially and administratively
  • Then referenced that help as leverage (“See, I got you more money”)
  • Implied obligation and increased expectations afterward

This created fear that leaving or speaking up would result in homelessness or loss of support.

5. Emotional and Psychological Harm

Dennis reports:

  • Chronic anxiety and fear
  • Depression and emotional exhaustion
  • Crying frequently
  • Feeling “trapped” even after leaving
  • Trauma responses and shutdown when yelled at
  • PTSD triggers from being shouted down by multiple leaders
  • Inability to think clearly during confrontations

He described the environment as:

  • “Like an abusive father who hits then hugs”
  • “Double-sided slaps followed by affection”
  • Constant fear of doing something wrong

6. Intimidation and Confrontation Tactics

Leadership behaviors included:

  • Yelling after others had left
  • Multiple elders confronting him simultaneously
  • Accusing him of lying while he was visibly overwhelmed
  • Demanding immediate compliance
  • Framing resistance as feminine, sinful, or rebellious

Dennis reports being told directly that:

“Your feelings do not matter.”

7. Authoritarian Leadership Culture

Leadership Characteristics Identified

  • Absolute authority with no accountability
  • No external oversight
  • Leaders’ preferences treated as God’s will
  • Emotional dominance presented as masculinity
  • Anger excused as spiritual zeal

Disagreement was labeled:

  • Pride
  • Rebellion
  • Immaturity
  • Lack of submission

8. Love Bombing Followed by Withdrawal

Early involvement included:

  • Intense attention
  • Constant affirmation
  • Immediate help
  • Praise and encouragement

Over time, this shifted into:

  • Surveillance
  • Criticism
  • Control
  • Conditional approval
  • Withdrawal of warmth when compliance decreased

Affection was tied directly to obedience.

9. Isolation and Fear of Exposure

Dennis was repeatedly warned—explicitly and implicitly—that:

  • Speaking critically would be divisive
  • Questioning leadership was dangerous
  • Leaving would harm him spiritually
  • Talking to outsiders was suspect

After leaving, members urged him to return while warning him not to speak negatively about leadership—reinforcing fear and guilt.

10. Post-Exit Trauma

After leaving, Dennis reported symptoms consistent with Religious Trauma Syndrome, including:

  • Persistent fear
  • Feeling mentally trapped
  • Guilt for resting or missing church
  • Difficulty trusting his own decisions
  • Emotional confusion
  • Lingering sense of control

He described feeling as though his “soul was still in the basement of the church.”

Conclusion

These conversations reflect a consistent and escalating pattern of emotional abuse, spiritual manipulation, coercive control, and psychological harm, particularly toward a vulnerable, disabled individual seeking safety and belonging. Nothing stated above is new for GFC and its leadership. These are consistent patterns wrapped in religious garb.

While outward religious language was consistently used, the lived experience described includes:

  • Fear rather than freedom
  • Control rather than care
  • Shame rather than restoration
  • Compliance rather than consent

The overall pattern aligns closely with spiritually abusive and cult-adjacent environments, even if not fitting every traditional definition of a cult.

Resources for further study on cults and high-demand religious groups.

  • Winell, M. (2011). Religious Trauma Syndrome.
  • Lalich, J. & Tobias, M. (2006). Take Back Your Life.
  • Hassan, S. (2015). Combating Cult Mind Control.
  • Herman, J. (1992). Trauma and Recovery.
  • American Psychiatric Association — Coercive Control Framework.
  • International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA).
  • Enroth, R. (1992). Churches That Abuse.
  • Kruger, M. (2022). Bully Pulpit.
  • DeGroat, C. (2020). When Narcissism Comes to Church.
  • Garrett, K. (2020). In the House of Friends.

Finally, I want to appeal to anyone still at Grace Fellowship. You all know Dennis. You have spent time with him. Although autistic, he is a highly intelligent man, and he was abused by you, whether directly or indirectly, through your approval of the leadership structure. Isn’t it time for this to stop? I say, it’s long past due. Stand up, do something about it. Enough is enough.

If you are a leader, it’s time to quit. You are not equipped, and you are certainly not qualified. I have no doubt that the pressure has been intense over the years, and I hope it only grows. You deserve it. But above all, you dishonor the God you claim to love and serve. He is not pleased by your behavior. The Scriptures show us this plainly, so you should stop pretending and give your people their freedom. Go get a job and go to a church as you examine yourself. Sit in the back and do not seek a leadership role.

Let’s confirm if you are first in the faith.

With all love and sincerity

Kevin Jandt

Making Sense of the Senseless

Posted on by kevinjandt

We live in an unfair and complicated world. The more conveniences we have, the more difficult it gets. As an example, how many user names and passwords do you have? I know I’m not supposed to use the same one, but how many can a guy remember at once? I never had them as a kid because I never had so much at the tip of my fingertips on the World Wide Web, but that is one small example.

I’m involved in a ministry that I never anticipated. I won’t bore you with details. I’ve spilled enough virtual ink that you may know if you’ve read me over the past five years. For those that don’t or just stumbled upon this, the crux is that I and we, by default, have found a home ministering to those who have left or are in the process of leaving spiritually abusive churches. It wasn’t my first choice. I landed in this by dumb luck, and if you are a Fundy, I meant to say dumb providence.

The most recent issue that confronted me is nearly unthinkable. Looking back, it doesn’t surprise me, but this one surprised me. A man I knew once in my life decided the best way to deal with his life was to end it. While processing this tragedy, I’ve had several conversations with those who considered the same exit strategy but gratefully did not. I’m betting if I had time with many others who know the situation intimately, they would confess at one time or another that they also considered it a possible route. 

Although this is my third article on the subject, it is a struggle to say the right things and avoid the wrong. See here, and here. It’s tragic, yes, that’s obvious. The word tragedy is probably too common, and the meaning has morphed to describe something that should have never happened. I agree with the standard definition. One of the Merriam-Webster definitions says, “a serious drama typically describing a conflict between the protagonist and a superior force (such as destiny) and having a sorrowful or disastrous conclusion that elicits pity or terror.”

Here is a definition that fits, at least on a small scale. We have a protagonist, that is the man who ended his own life. We have a superior force. That is the one in question. He is a superior force in the lives of those he rules over. They bend to his wishes, and they bow to his needs. If he declares or intimates that one is unworthy, then it is so. And, of course, we have a sorrowful and disastrous conclusion that elicits pity or terror. Our protagonist is gone. Our superior force is still ruling.

Looking back on all this, it only makes sense that it would happen. The superior force can cause the protagonist to believe untrue things about himself. Suppose the protagonist confesses that he has come to believe in the Lord as Savior. We see a significant change in his life. Of course, there is a stage-cage period where he follows the company plan to evangelize all his friends, family, and co-workers. He’s overly zealous, of course, but then he starts to settle down. Was this the beginning of the downward spiral? Wasn’t he constantly after them to convert or suffer an eternity in hell? Or was it worse than that? Perhaps he had some sin in his life. Sin, of course, is the mortal enemy of Christianity. In the circle our protagonist runs, sin is forbidden. Any sin that gives a forward-facing node is bound to attract the superior force’s attention and foot soldiers’ attention.

Naturally, this sin must be dealt with. Sometimes, it is done through private conversations or the reporting of the sheep. In nasty cases, it deserves a visit to the superior force’s headquarters. Not only was the superior force present, but so were his aid-de-camps. Perhaps our protagonist even has his closest confidant involved, and maybe they see the sin as well and either give a report back to the superior force or are directly involved in calling it out. Either way, our protagonist begins to feel helpless. Eventually, if it goes on long enough, he loses hope.

These societies create a dependency state and crush the spirits of even the strongest. This man was strong. He was committed to the care of those he loved, and above all, I have no doubts he loved the Lord, and he is in heaven rejoicing that the Savior would even save a man who was a sinner such as he was.

How do we make sense of this? As the title says, making sense of the senseless. I don’t know. It is unclear at this time. I can’t reconcile all of it in my mind. I’ve heard many things. I’ve spoken to some people. I know the pain this has caused. Above all, those who loved our protagonist the most want answers. Someday, there will be answers. Eventually, the superior force will have to answer for those under his authority because he is fond of saying that it would not be profitable for you if they did not listen to him.

While we hear of places like this and read about them from time to time, rarely does this much chaos come out of one place for year upon year, about 15 years of it. I don’t say and write these things to ruin the superior forces’ reputation; he did that alone. I just said something about it.

In all the chaos and this mess, there is one place we can turn, and that is where I have no doubt our protagonist turned in his darkest hour. The Lord Jesus Christ is a merciful savior. He will bind up the wounds, and he will heal us. His grace is far greater than our deepest sins. In this, we can have the greatest hope. He conquered sin and death so that we may truly live.

Suicide is not the answer, but it is also not the unforgivable sin. I appreciated the words of the woman in this podcast, she describes it very well and the feelings of hopelessness, but all can be overcome by speaking with those that understand and those knowledgeable about these abuse patterns. If you ever feel helpless, please know we are here to help.