I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matt. 12:36,37)
Grace Fellowship (Church) is well known for being spiritually abusive. There are countless stories and evidence of this, provided by scores of witnesses. Dennis is one more in a long line of them. Below, I present supporting evidence of the abuse Dennis received. It is my hope and desire that those who are still at the church will read this, be as disgusted as I am, and actually do something about it. LEAVE!
The direct quotes from leadership that I obtained through Dennis’s messages are revealing. They show that the pattern described below is real. It’s not just a random occurrence. Patterns of “joking” are not unusual at this place. Words can be destructive, hurtful, and damaging, and that is what this pattern shows.
Above all, it’s biblical to expose evil deeds. And that is what I seek to prove. Over several months, Dennis describes repeated emotional harm, coercive control, humiliation, spiritual manipulation, and psychological distress connected to the church’s leaders.
I hope you find these abuses as shocking as I do. Each is taken from a long series of messages I had with Dennis for almost two months. I have organized them in different categories and summarized the behaviors in an easy-to-follow format.
1. Abusive and Degrading Behaviors
Dennis repeatedly reports being called:
- “Retard”
- “Moron”
- “Water boy”
- “Rain Man”
These terms were used:
- Publicly and privately
- By leadership figures
- In group settings where others laughed
When Dennis attempted to explain that these words were traumatic due to lifelong bullying and abuse, his concerns were dismissed or mocked.
Bullying Disguised as Humor or “Toughening Up”
- Leaders and members laughed when Dennis joined in self-degrading jokes to cope.
- He was told bullying “doesn’t exist.”
- Hurtful behavior was reframed as:
- “Iron sharpens iron”
- “That’s how men talk”
- “You’re being feminine for being hurt”
This normalized humiliation as spiritual growth.
2. Patterns of Coercive Control
Excessive Monitoring of Personal Life
Leadership repeatedly:
- Questioned where Dennis was if he missed church or events
- Demanded explanations for absences
- Contacted him persistently by text and phone
- Pressured him to answer calls immediately—even at work or late at night
Missing a single meeting triggered interrogation and accusations of sin or pride.
Control Over Time and Behavior
Dennis was expected to attend:
- Sunday services (often twice)
- Wednesday services
- Morning Bible studies
- Men’s groups and extra gatherings
Declining even one event resulted in:
- Guilt
- Accusations of avoidance
- Pressure to “repent”
- Claims that the relationship was “shallow” if he did not comply
Attempts to Control Speech and Online Activity
- Dennis was pressured to post only ESV Bible verses on Facebook.
- Repeatedly told “I prefer you use ESV,” despite Dennis offering compromise.
- Leadership insisted on authority over his personal social media.
Disagreement was treated as rebellion.
3. Spiritual Manipulation and Gaslighting
Misuse of Scripture
Bible verses were repeatedly used to:
- Demand submission
- Accuse Dennis of pride
- Threaten church discipline
- Frame disagreement as sin
Matthew 18 and Hebrews 10:25 were cited to enforce compliance rather than restoration.
Projection and Gaslighting
Leadership frequently:
- Accused Dennis of being controlling while exerting control themselves
- Claimed “no one is pressuring you” while relentlessly pressuring him
- Denied past statements or deleted texts
- Reframed Dennis’s distress as immaturity or sin
Dennis was told:
- He was “not a victim”
- His reactions were prideful
- His autism should not affect behavior
- Emotional pain was irrelevant
4. Exploitation of Vulnerability
Dennis was particularly vulnerable due to:
- Autism and PTSD
- Past lifelong bullying
- Seizure disorder
- Financial instability
- Dependence on church help for paperwork, housing, and income access
Leadership:
- Assisted him financially and administratively
- Then referenced that help as leverage (“See, I got you more money”)
- Implied obligation and increased expectations afterward
This created fear that leaving or speaking up would result in homelessness or loss of support.
5. Emotional and Psychological Harm
Dennis reports:
- Chronic anxiety and fear
- Depression and emotional exhaustion
- Crying frequently
- Feeling “trapped” even after leaving
- Trauma responses and shutdown when yelled at
- PTSD triggers from being shouted down by multiple leaders
- Inability to think clearly during confrontations
He described the environment as:
- “Like an abusive father who hits then hugs”
- “Double-sided slaps followed by affection”
- Constant fear of doing something wrong
6. Intimidation and Confrontation Tactics
Leadership behaviors included:
- Yelling after others had left
- Multiple elders confronting him simultaneously
- Accusing him of lying while he was visibly overwhelmed
- Demanding immediate compliance
- Framing resistance as feminine, sinful, or rebellious
Dennis reports being told directly that:
“Your feelings do not matter.”
7. Authoritarian Leadership Culture
Leadership Characteristics Identified
- Absolute authority with no accountability
- No external oversight
- Leaders’ preferences treated as God’s will
- Emotional dominance presented as masculinity
- Anger excused as spiritual zeal
Disagreement was labeled:
- Pride
- Rebellion
- Immaturity
- Lack of submission
8. Love Bombing Followed by Withdrawal
Early involvement included:
- Intense attention
- Constant affirmation
- Immediate help
- Praise and encouragement
Over time, this shifted into:
- Surveillance
- Criticism
- Control
- Conditional approval
- Withdrawal of warmth when compliance decreased
Affection was tied directly to obedience.
9. Isolation and Fear of Exposure
Dennis was repeatedly warned—explicitly and implicitly—that:
- Speaking critically would be divisive
- Questioning leadership was dangerous
- Leaving would harm him spiritually
- Talking to outsiders was suspect
After leaving, members urged him to return while warning him not to speak negatively about leadership—reinforcing fear and guilt.
10. Post-Exit Trauma
After leaving, Dennis reported symptoms consistent with Religious Trauma Syndrome, including:
- Persistent fear
- Feeling mentally trapped
- Guilt for resting or missing church
- Difficulty trusting his own decisions
- Emotional confusion
- Lingering sense of control
He described feeling as though his “soul was still in the basement of the church.”
Conclusion
These conversations reflect a consistent and escalating pattern of emotional abuse, spiritual manipulation, coercive control, and psychological harm, particularly toward a vulnerable, disabled individual seeking safety and belonging. Nothing stated above is new for GFC and its leadership. These are consistent patterns wrapped in religious garb.
While outward religious language was consistently used, the lived experience described includes:
- Fear rather than freedom
- Control rather than care
- Shame rather than restoration
- Compliance rather than consent
The overall pattern aligns closely with spiritually abusive and cult-adjacent environments, even if not fitting every traditional definition of a cult.
Resources for further study on cults and high-demand religious groups.
- Winell, M. (2011). Religious Trauma Syndrome.
- Lalich, J. & Tobias, M. (2006). Take Back Your Life.
- Hassan, S. (2015). Combating Cult Mind Control.
- Herman, J. (1992). Trauma and Recovery.
- American Psychiatric Association — Coercive Control Framework.
- International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA).
- Enroth, R. (1992). Churches That Abuse.
- Kruger, M. (2022). Bully Pulpit.
- DeGroat, C. (2020). When Narcissism Comes to Church.
- Garrett, K. (2020). In the House of Friends.
Finally, I want to appeal to anyone still at Grace Fellowship. You all know Dennis. You have spent time with him. Although autistic, he is a highly intelligent man, and he was abused by you, whether directly or indirectly, through your approval of the leadership structure. Isn’t it time for this to stop? I say, it’s long past due. Stand up, do something about it. Enough is enough.
If you are a leader, it’s time to quit. You are not equipped, and you are certainly not qualified. I have no doubt that the pressure has been intense over the years, and I hope it only grows. You deserve it. But above all, you dishonor the God you claim to love and serve. He is not pleased by your behavior. The Scriptures show us this plainly, so you should stop pretending and give your people their freedom. Go get a job and go to a church as you examine yourself. Sit in the back and do not seek a leadership role.
Let’s confirm if you are first in the faith.
With all love and sincerity
Kevin Jandt
Uncommon Faith 