There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit (Romans 8:1-4).
Dear friends and family,
I want to offer my deepest condolences for your tragic loss. My wife and I ran into Ryan two summers ago. He was gracious and kind and exemplified a loving, Christian man; this is how I will always remember him. I spent several days listening to the sermons preached at Ryan’s funeral, and I write because I can only imagine feeling empty and unsatisfied at Ryan’s memorial service. It was more about you or an agenda than it was about Ryan. I write today to speak about the man I knew and hopefully offer comfort rather than condemnation.
You knew Ryan and the goodness and the work Christ had performed in him. The verses referenced above show us that no matter what we’ve done in this world, if Christ is our Savior, we are secure in him. Ryan’s salvation is not conditional upon his confession, or lack thereof, but on his relationship to Christ. In Christ, all sins are forgiven.
I’m sure you have so many unanswered questions. None of this makes sense, but the answer is never black or white. Countless scenarios and circumstances can bring a person to this decision, and we can never know the full extent of his pain.
Pastor Jim Henry writes this,
“We do not know what causes a person to resort to taking his own life. It can be burdens about which we had no knowledge or overwhelming tension, anxiety, failures, unresolved guilt, loneliness, or the relentless attack of our ancient adversary, Satan, whom the Bible calls our accuser. It can be a chemical imbalance that, for a period of time, causes reason to be replaced, mental control to be lost, and judgment and the stronger sense of pursuing life to be snapped.”[1]
Since losing touch with Ryan through our departure, I have no idea what he was going through. By all appearances, life was good to him. He had a good marriage, beautiful children, and every reason to live and fulfill his life’s dreams and goals.
What is the answer to comforting those who remain? We should speak of the man Ryan was, we should speak of the man who hoped to be, and we should speak of the man he was in Christ. Sin is not irrelevant to this situation, but it’s not the only thing either. The Scriptures speak frequently of those who have trials in their faith. Their faith is weak. Their faith is fragile. (Matt. 6:30, 8:26, 16:8, 17:20, Luke 22:32, to name a few).
Jim Henry, once again, says: “One thing we can do is not be judgmental. We must be compassionate and understanding. We should be sensitive to the cries for help that surface in our families, friends, and colleagues.”[2]
It is difficult to reconcile suicide with a Christian worldview, but you must know that suicide is not an unforgivable sin. God will not judge any of us on our last act. He judges only on the merits of Christ. If we are in Christ, then we are secure.
The writer of the Book of Hebrews was a Jewish convert, and while we don’t know his name, we know he understood the difference between the law and the gospel. Chapter 10, starting in verse 16, says,
16 “This is the covenant that I will make with them
after those days, declares the Lord:
I will put my laws on their hearts,
and write them on their minds,”
17 then he adds,
“I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.”
18 Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin (Hebrews 10:16-18).
I saw and experienced the changes in Ryan’s life, as you did. I saw him become a Christian man, and while there may have been sin in his life, he is secure in Christ because Christ remembers his lawless deeds no more. The passage hits even harder on the point in verses 19 to 23.
19 Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, 20 by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:19-23).
There is assurance of salvation through the blood of Jesus because it says he who promised IS faithful. Christ will not let go. We have no place to judge salvation based on sins, real or perceived.
Dr. Michael Horton was called to preach a funeral for his close friend, a pastor, who tragically took his own life. Dr. Horton says,
“So why didn’t this confidence keep our brother from ending his life? We cannot answer that question any better perhaps than Job’s friends could resolve the riddle of their friend’s suffering. But I can say this: Even if we are too weak to hang on to Christ, he is strong enough to hang on to us. Even though we may not be able to face tomorrow, Christ has already passed through death to the other side and has taken away death’s sting for us.”[3]
Dr. Horton goes on to say we cannot judge God, nor can we judge the one who took his own life. We are justified by faith in Christ; he accomplished what we could not.
“You see, being accepted before God is not a matter of what we have done or left undone, or we would all be lost. It is a matter of trusting in that which Christ has done, for he has finished the work of our redemption, he has paid the ransom for our sins and satisfied the just that our guilt required.” [4]
But what do we do as the living left here to try to make sense of all of this? I can’t begin to imagine the pain, the range of emotions, the highs and the lows. I do not doubt that some days, you wake up and have no idea how you can go on. That is okay; these are authentic human emotions that must flow.
To encourage the believers, the Apostle Paul writes, But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who have fallen asleep, that we may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14).
In his commentary on 1st Thessalonians, Matthew Henry writes,
Here is comfort for the relations and friends of those who die in the Lord. Grief for the death of friends is lawful; we may weep for our own loss, though it may be their gain. Christianity does not forbid, and grace does not do away, our natural affections. Yet we must not be excessive in our sorrows; this is too much like those who have no hope of a better life. Death is an unknown thing, and we know little about the state after death; yet the doctrines of the resurrection and the second coming of Christ, are a remedy against the fear of death of our Christian friends; and of these doctrines we have full assurance.
We have full assurance those in Christ are secure. We can take great comfort in Ryan’s assurance. No matter the circumstances surrounding his death, if he is in Christ, he is secure. Take comfort while you grieve the loss of this good man. Cling tightly to his memory and share these with his children as they grow. They will undoubtedly have many questions.
You can remember his warm smile and his firm embrace. You can remember how he would go out of his way to help anyone in need. You can remember all the great things about Ryan and how he treated those around him. He even treated those he wasn’t supposed to treat well with kindness and respect. You can remember that Ryan was a good man and that Ryan loved the Lord Jesus Christ. In all of these things you can have great comfort and rest.
[1] https://www.lifeway.com/en/articles/sermon-funeral-message-suicide-psalm-104-isaiah-54
[2] Ibid.
[3] https://corechristianity.com/resources/articles/a-funeral-sermon-for-my-friend-who-committed-suicide
[4] Ibid.
Uncommon Faith 