Resolving conflicts that arise between believers in the church is outlined in Matthew 18:15-19. It is a straightforward passage that takes the Christian step by step through conflict resolution. The emphasis here is that sin is involved, or at least it is perceived to be involved. That is stated clearly in verse 15, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” I say, “perceived” because the one receiving the going-to, may not see things in the same light. The passage continues, “If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” Meaning, it’s all over, and once, you aired your grievance, he heard you, and you resolved the conflict.
The next step involves witnesses. I won’t outline the whole passage, but if the conflict is not solved between the two believers, we are instructed to involve others. They will help decide if there is an issue that needs adjudicating. Assuming these are non-partial, non-biased individuals it is intended to help make sense of the situation and help the sinning one see the error of his ways.
The final step says, “tell the church” And if the unrepentant does not listen to the offended brother, if he doesn’t listen to the two or three witnesses and he refuses to hear the church then he is to be as a Gentile and a tax collector. Other translations use the word “heathen,” or “pagan” in place of Gentile.
In the context of our passage in Matthew 18, the reference becomes clear that Gentiles and tax collectors are non-believers. Generally, this is a conflict between two lay people if I can use that term. The Bible provides instruction in other areas if there is a leader in sin and how to deal with him, the key text here is found in 1 Timothy 5:19 through 21. I won’t deal with that in this post because I desire to explore the concept of shunning as it relates to the end process of Matthew 18.
Specifically, I want to deal with how fundamentalist and authoritarian churches use shunning as a punishment for “wayward” church members. I have written on this topic before discussing the excommunication process that we experienced at Grace Fellowship over 5 years ago now, so I won’t rehash the same ground, but please feel free to read up on that if you are inclined, it is posted here.
Shunning is punitive for these types of “churches.” You see it in places like Mormonism, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and certainly in fundamentalism. (I’ll lump authoritarian, abusive churches under the umbrella of fundamentalism for our purposes today). The shunning plays itself out in different ways. Let’s suppose I’ve been excommunicated from a fundamentalist church like GFC (which I have). We were heavily accused of NOT practicing Matthew 18. I had four conversations with the pastor and one conversation with the elders, and I wrote an email after one of the conversations with the pastor outlining our concerns about legalism at the time before we left.
We expressed our concerns, we knew from the conversations that things would never change, we had experienced and seen far more than we needed to see that this was not a biblical church worth investing our lives and the sacrifice of our children, so we made the decision to leave. I knew it would end up where it ended up because, for countless others before us, it ended in the same way. We knew the cost. We were more than willing to pay the price, and of course, there was a price to pay.
One of those costs was being excommunicated as indicated above and the other was shunning. In the act of shunning the members are instructed they shouldn’t talk with us or have anything to do with us except for calling us to repent and encouraging us to “get right” with the church. It all seems archaic and cultic, and it is. The bigger question is it biblical? A case can be made in some respects for shunning, and I’ve written about this before in the previously linked article where in 1 Corinthians 5 the church was dealing with some gross and intentional sin.
Got Questions provides a good commentary on the act of shunning.
In any case, it would seem that extreme forms of shunning, such as considering someone “dead,” utterly ignoring him, or refusing to acknowledge his existence, go beyond what Scripture commands. After all, Jesus said that, when someone is put out of the church, he should be treated as “a pagan or a tax collector” (Matthew 18:17). In other words, treat an intractable offender as an unsaved person. How are we to treat the unsaved? With love and grace. The “pagans and tax collectors” need to be evangelized. We are to love even our enemies (Matthew 5:44).
Matthew 18 should not be used as a coverall to shun. It should be used to invite the disciplined member into a relationship with Christ. If they are Gentiles and tax collectors their greatest need is salvation, not avoidance. But there’s so much more to the topic such as the legitimacy of the discipline, the legitimacy of the pastors, and the church.
Last year we went back to Iowa for vacation and ran into a former member. We actually had a very nice and appropriate interaction with him, but we soon learned he received thirty-nine lashes for his insurrection and betrayal of his pastor for even engaging in a conversation with us without calling us to repentance and urging us to “meet with the elders” so they could beat us up a little more.
Our vacation this summer, once again, took us to Iowa. We spent a lot of years in Iowa and have a lot of friends and it is a priority to see them and maintain those relationships. Jen and I had discussed how to interact if we encounter anyone as we did last year. The approach would be the same. We want to be friendly, maintain self-control but also be willing to have a conversation. You never know when someone is considering leaving.
We did encounter one of the men in the church while we were at a restaurant. We were seated with some friends, and I saw this guy walk in and walked within a foot or so of us. I looked at him and said, “Hi, Brett (not his real name), and he looked at me, sort of grunted, and kept moving. I’ve known this guy for over fifteen years. I wouldn’t call him a friend, he never really was, but we went to two churches together and have had countless conversations. I’m sure he was caught off guard like Peter was last year. In this interaction, however, Brett didn’t engage, perhaps he knew better, perhaps the timing was bad, but if he did engage then he would then be accountable to the leaders. He would be expected to give us a metaphorical beatdown. He hung around the front of the restaurant for a few minutes as he was waiting for his carry-out order and then scooted out the door. Relieved, I’m sure, that I never approached him.
As he drove home, I’m sure he decided not to make the same mistake as Peter made last year and messaged his pastor to let him know we were around. My guess is he didn’t even tell his wife, because she’s more bought in than he is from my perception. Much like our second encounter last year he now has some plausible deniability. He handled Shunning 101 perfectly. Pretend like you don’t even know them. Avoid them. Run from them unless you are prepared to confront and call them to “repentance” for their insurrection. That is how it works, and he handled it well if you don’t want to get in trouble, and if someone finds out.
But the question comes down to Matthew 18’s design. Should we shun and avoid, I say absolutely not. There are times when putting someone out of the church or excommunicating is necessary. In my view, and I think it’s the biblical view, Matthew 18 is designed to win the brother back that has gone through the process of biblical church discipline, has committed a sin that is confirmed, and refuses to turn from it. In our case, and the case of countless others the “sin” is leaving the church. When a church lives in an authoritarian, legalistic way filled with fundamentalist culture leaving is impossible without excommunication and ultimately shunning is the result.
I’ve made this statement many times before, but the only way to leave is to leave. The shunning is meaningless to me, and it should be meaningless to anyone that has been shunned by this type of environment. It is unhealthy and toxic, and you and I deserve better. We deserve pastors and elders that love and care for the sheep just as Jesus loves and cares for us. If a group chooses to shun there is a high probability, they are a cult or at best cult-like in their tendencies. It continues to play itself out time and time again. Beware of how they operate, and you will be equipped to spot them and help warn others.
Kevin
Uncommon Faith 